A.R.Yngve's "Notes Toward Becoming A Better Writer"

Will Nurglon Be The New Republican Contender For 2012?

2012-01-08T23:07:00.000-08:00

After the coming and going of one GOP contender after another, angry old white racist voters are feeling increasingly frustrated with their shrinking options. Where is the candidate who gives voice to their fears, their phobias, their dementia, their deepest darkest urges?

Ladies and gentlemen, the Great White Hope is still waiting for another shot at the brass ring. I give you... NURGLON in 2012:

Homepage Update Dec.31, 2011

2011-12-31T11:51:00.001-08:00

My homepage has been updated with a new chapter of the Web serial DARC AGES: CITY OF MASKS.

Enjoy -- and Happy New Year.

John Kessel: "The Future as Mirror: How SF Uses the Tomorrow to Understand Today"

2011-09-28T11:48:00.000-07:00

Interesting video lecture by SF author John Kessel:

"The Future as Mirror: How SF Uses the Tomorrow to Understand Today"

(Thanks to Locus Online)

Joanna Russ: "Dirty Wordies, or, The Fiendish Thingie"

2011-09-21T04:45:00.000-07:00

A big thank you to the blog future_of_feminism for posting this speech by the late, great Joanna Russ:
"Dirty Wordies, or, The Fiendish Thingie" (1969)

There are so many quotable lines in this speech about writing and "taboo" words. Here are but a few:
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"There is a fashionable idea around today -- maybe I should not call it an idea, for I hardly think it attains to the complexity of real thinking -- there is this confused notion, then, that anger is somehow sacred, rage is holy, and you are justified in doing anything you please as long as you are angry enough -- and angry at the right targets, that is, at the currently fashionable targets.
I do not agree. Being shocked is not in itself a good thing for people; on the contrary, it is a distinctly unpleasant experience, and the writer who shocks you on the grounds that it's good for people to be shocked is like the writer who hits you over the head with a brick on the grounds that it's good for people to be hit on the head now and then, and anyhow, he enjoys it."

"One of the most annoying things in the world is the way dirty words can distract people from anything else -- when a reader gets shocked at a dirty wordie, he stops paying attention to the plot, to the characters, to the mood, to the theme, to everything.
The dirty word is a little bomb that explodes and scatters the work of art in all directions."

"The whole effort of literary art is to make things speakable. Nothing should be unspeakable or unnameable. That's what language is for -- to name things."
-----------------------
Read the rest. I implore you.

Out Now: THE TIME IDIOT (Kindle Edition)

2011-09-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

My comedic novel THE TIME IDIOT has now been released for the Kindle, at the price of $6.89. (That's cheap, man!)

So what's it about, then?

The basic plot is: Stupid U.S. President gets a time machine, wreaks havoc all over history.
You can read the sample chapters here.

I was NOT first with the idea of a dumb President in a time machine. The cartoonist Tom Tomorrow was (at least twice). But in THE TIME IDIOT, I take the concept to its very limit: the stupid protagonist travels so far back in time, and changes so many things, the "present-day" world eventually becomes a very strange place.

I tried to get THE TIME IDIOT published for several years. My wife said she liked it, so I decided to try and self-publish. All the flaws of the book are my fault. It's not a long novel -- only 48,000 words -- but I think humor works best in the shorter format.

THE TIME IDIOT on Amazon.com

The Rewriter's Fallacy

2011-09-12T04:31:00.000-07:00

Anyone who ever wrote something will have this idea at least once:

"Wouldn't it be totally cool if I rewrote a classic... like something by Shakespeare or Jane Austen... only this time the story will be mine. Using all these well-known characters from the classics will make my story so much better... and it'll be so easy to write!"

I'd like to name it

-----------------------------------------
The Rewriter's Fallacy:
The notion that you can cut out a bunch of character names, a bit of plot, and a bit of setting from another author's work -- then paste them into your own story -- and the pilfered characters/plot/settings will automatically give your work a quality and depth that it wouldn't have had without them.
-----------------------------------------
I politely disagree. It's what you put into your work that determines its quality. Your actual work. Not the bits that you borrow from others.

I'm not saying you shouldn't offend readers who cherish the original work... if its copyright has expired, go for it.
I'm not saying you can't borrow a bit here and there... there is such a thing as inspiration.
I'm not saying you can't mock the classics... nothing succeeds like good mockery.
But: you can't expect the borrowed bits to do the hard work for you. You can't "coast" on the strength of the source material without falling flat.

A simple litmus test would be: Can the story you write stand on its own even if you removed the borrowed bits?

But let's be charitable. That a writer tries to "rewrite a classic" doesn't have to mean he or she isn't "trying."
When Alice Randall wrote The Wind Done Gone, she was also making a strong point about how Gone With the Wind had whitewashed Southern history and made the slaves invisible. I wouldn't call that devious or dishonest.
If Randall has an "agenda" with re-interpreting a "classic"(well, sort of a classic), then that is an agenda I can get behind -- especially since the original was so dishonest in the first place.

However... in this example of "rewriting a classic," the author tries to use Shakespeare to carry his well-known agenda, and many have objected to it.

Scott Lynch is charitable (and witty) toward said author:
------------------------------
I'm pretty much an inclusive absolutist when it comes to re-interpreting Shakespeare. Add, sift, transmute, refine, pervert, and bowdlerize if you will... throw in steampunk robots, change settings, swap character genders, add harsh language, remove sex, add sex, whatever.
Shakespeare's work isn't some solemn mausoleum at which we all must pay cold-blooded obedience, it's a playground which we can and must dig up, dirty, and refurbish on a continual basis.

So Card's got every right to tinker with Hamlet to his sad little heart's content. What draws my fierce mockery is that his Hamlet's Father willfully ignores the character and content of the original.
The assertion that it reveals "what's really going on" in the tragedy of the Prince of Denmark is a reeking lie. It isn't an elegant interface with Shakespeare's creation, but a complete re-invention of it, steam-cleaned of its original texture and meaning. OSC's sternly moralizing, dull-as-a-brick Hamlet can only be conjured by completely disregarding everything the original character said, thought, and did.
Now, if that's what you want to write, go ahead and write it. Just have the honesty to call it what it is... a bloody rewrite. Not an honest engagement with the original text.
---------------

What next for Orson Scott Card? Could a radical re-interpretation of Twelfth Night be far behind...?

Heinlein's Rules Of Writing, Deconstructed

2011-09-07T03:21:00.000-07:00

You may have heard of Heinlein's Rules, coined by Robert A. Heinlein:

1. You must write.
2. You must finish what you start.
3. You must refrain from rewriting except to editorial order.
4. You must put it on the market.
5. You must keep it on the market until sold.

Now, the blogger at Scrivener's Error (recommended as a beacon of sanity in a crazy world) picks apart these rules -- and I'd like to quote his/her conclusions:
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The key assumption that Heinlein makes — and it alters the meaning of each of the five rules, but these two [Rules 3 and 5] more than most — is that "You, as a writer, must already have a commercially valued, consistent brand and identity before you can effectively apply the following rules."

That is, the rules work only for writers whose shopping lists scribbled on napkins have commercial value due to their authorship.

That's not to say that there's no value at all in these rules, even for beginning writers; only that they require application of some artistic sense and literary and commercial analysis.

At some point, when too many readers are expressing the same sort of problem with your manuscript, it needs to be rewritten. At some point, it makes no commercial sense to continue circulating a manuscript that is not getting licensure offers.
-----------
(Read the rest)

Valid points, all. In fact, lots of very successful writers are not writing perfect books -- but they are doing enough things "right" to be readable and accessible to a wider audience.

How do you know when your writing is "good enough"? Tricky question, that one. I can only suggest the trite cliches "learn from your mistakes" and "practice makes perfect" -- trite, but true.

It also helps to have a clear, original vision. "Vision" is the theme that drives your writing. Writing itself may be a search to define and sharpen your personal vision. Is there a formula?

Maybe a little something like this:

Author's Vision + formal writing skill + Thorough Work + Luck = Success

Note that the above formula doesn't say when your work will be successful. Do you have lots of patience? Not all writers do, but most successful ones have lots of it -- and boy, does it help:

-------------------
After Stephen King had Carrie rejected by 30 different publishers he dumped pig's blood all over the publishers. No, I'm just kidding. Stephen King did throw Carrie in the trash though. Fortunately, his wife took it out of the trash and convinced King to try again.
-------------------
A patient spouse is also a good thing for a writer to have...

Homepage Update & What I've Been Writing This Summer

2011-08-29T05:36:00.000-07:00

My homepage has been updated now and then during the summer, mainly with these serials:

DARC AGES: City of Masks

ALIEN LAND (the sequel to ALIEN BEACH)

PRECINCT 20: Dead Strange

This summer has surely been eventful. I live in Norway, but I was away on vacation when Oslo was attacked by a right-wing terrorist mass murderer.

I was also busy trying to complete a novel in Swedish, titled VAERNEN - Den Fördömde (="Vaernen - The Damned"). This novel is now finished, and I've begun sending the manuscript to Swedish publishers.

The novel VAERNEN started out as an attempt to write something along the lines of "Conan the Barbarian"... but it turned into something else. It might be read as a violent, dark adventure story or as a kind of allegory.

If you are a Scandinavian publisher and would like to request a copy of VAERNEN, feel free to contact me through FaceBook or email.

Homepage Update, July 11

2011-07-11T04:44:00.001-07:00

Check it out.

Homepage Update: THE TIME IDIOT

2011-06-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

Recent homepage updates include more chapters from the novels ALIEN LAND and THE TIME IDIOT.

In THE TIME IDIOT, a dim-witted recovering alcoholic President attempts to "improve" history with a time machine (and some guns). Here he seeks out Friedrich Nietzsche in the 19th century:
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Friedrich Nietzsche was walking in the foothills one autumn morning, when a stranger came walking up to him from behind a pine tree.

"Uh," said the stranger with an American accent, "Sprechen Sie English?"

"Nein, Mein Herr," said Nietschze, puzzled by the strange cut of the man's costume.

"Wait..." The stranger came within six feet's distance, pulled a gun and shot Nietzsche three times. "Die, you nihilist son-of-a-bitch!"

Prescott could not stand the sight of gunshot wounds. Covering one eye with his hand, he looked down on the corpse and checked that the man's chest had stopped moving.

"May God have mercy on your atheist soul," Prescott said and returned to the time pod.

Next, Karl Marx...

----------------
Read the rest.

The Truth.

2011-05-31T14:15:00.000-07:00

You, leaders of Syria -- and your henchmen -- who reign over Syria through brutality, murder and torture -- know this:

You shall fail in your evil efforts.
You shall lose all the power you cling to.
You shall be pariahs everywhere for your crimes against your own people.
The whole world shall hunt you like mad dogs.
You shall face justice.
Your names shall be remembered with revulsion and disgust.

This is the truth.

Homepage Update: THE ARGUS PROJECT

2011-04-28T13:08:00.000-07:00

This week's homepage update is both sparse and late (I was off on a vacation), but the next one will be meatier.

Official homepage

Homepage Update April 13, 2011

2011-04-13T05:52:00.000-07:00

Homepage Update: THE ARGUS PROJECT

2011-04-06T02:47:00.000-07:00

My official homepage has been updated with another chapter of THE ARGUS PROJECT.

And I strongly recommend this link, from Frederik Pohl's blog: The continued transcript of the fascinating conversation between the two great writers Frederik Pohl and the late Alfred Bester.

Previous parts:

Me and Alfie, Part 5: Collaboration and the Futurians

Me and Alfie, Part 4: Rejection

Me and Alfie, Part 3: Ideas and The Demolished Man

Me and Alfie, Part 2: Gateway and the Art of Writing

Me and Alfie

Homepage Update: "The Spiteful Dead" (Short Story)

2011-03-29T13:47:00.000-07:00

My official homepage has been updated, with the short story "The Spiteful Dead" -- another installment in the "Precinct 20: Dead Strange" story cycle.

"The Spiteful Dead"

Quote:
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The corpse in the gutter had been decapitated and the head was nowhere in sight. It was dressed in a black sweater, jogging pants and sneakers, and its stubby hands had been tied behind the back with duct tape.
The headless body was tall, Garris estimated over six feet.
"Find anything else on him?" he asked, and Schmidt handed him a sheet of paper in a clear plastic envelope. On it was a printout of a poem:

No dawn in sight
I only see the gleam in the mind's weeping eye
And by that dying light I write this prayer
Will you be there on my final day?
Will you mourn this soul?
I shall be there to see
if you can shed a tear for me
For the earth is so cold
and she hates me
And the other poets in their marble tombs
Mutter that I bring down the property value.

Garris did not recognize the text, but instinctively he guessed:
"The victim's last words?"
Schmidt flashed a tight-lipped smile. "Yes."
------------------
Read the rest.

Poem: "We Must Support Our Troops"

2011-03-28T04:18:00.000-07:00

Inspired by this article:

A.R.Yngve
WE MUST SUPPORT OUR TROOPS

We must support our troops!
Support support support!
Because they protect us!
Protect protect protect!
from Fear!
Fear! Fear! Fear!
Our Troops!
Troops! Troops! Troops!
Fear! Fear! Fear!
Our Men!
Our manly manly manly men!
Manly manly manly murder manly
manly manly female manly manly
manly manly manly target manly
manly manly bullet manly manly
manly manly goggles manly manly
manly manly Viagra manly manly
manly manly manly manly men!
Troops! Troops! Troops!
If you don't support our troops
If you won't support our troops
If you don't shout support our troops
then you are not a manly manly
manly manly manly manly
manly manly manly man!
With a manly manly manly
manly manly manly gun!
And we must support Our Troops!
Our! Our! Our!
Flag! Flag! Flag!
Wave the flag!
Wave! Wave! Wave! Wave!
Beat the drum!
Beat! Beat! Beat! Beat!
Win the hearts! Win the minds!
Win! Win! Win! Win!
You must win every little one of them
The little twisted minds of Our Troops, troops, troops
Tell them that they won! Won! Won! Won!
When they come home
Come! Come! Come! Come!
Home! Home! Home! Home!
if they come
into our towns
into our homes
into our daughters
To support Our Troops
To protect us
Us! Us! Us!
from Them!
Them! Them! Them!
Our Troops!
Troops! Troops! Troops!
For they protect us!
Against Them!
Them! Them! Them!
THEM!
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Alfred Bester Speaks!

2011-03-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

By way of Frederik Pohl's blog, comes this fascinating transcript of a conversation between two all-time greats of science-fiction literature -- Alfred Bester and Frederik Pohl:

Alfred Bester and Frederik Pohl — The Conversation

Frederik Pohl has written one of my favorite novels, THE SPACE MERCHANTS. Alfred Bester wrote what I still consider one of the very best SF novels of all time, THE STARS MY DESTINATION.

Homepage Update: ALIEN LAND

2011-01-24T05:43:00.000-08:00

Now, I'm not very fond of having to rewrite my old stuff. But people asked me: When are you going to do a sequel to DARC AGES and ALIEN BEACH? (It amazes me that I actually have fans -- three or maybe four of them, wife included.)

I went into my files and looked at a sequel I tried to write years ago, ALIEN LAND. It wasn't very good. I took it off my old homepage in 2006.

So now I'm trying to rewrite ALIEN LAND on the fly, as I make it a Web serial on my homepage.
This is of course very foolish.
On the other hand, to see one's own incomplete stuff posted online makes a powerful incentive to finish it... and there's the added excitement of not really knowing for sure how it's going to end (honestly!).

- ALIEN LAND - Web serial in progress

- The "prequel", ALIEN BEACH (complete novel)

As for DARC AGES... a short sequel already exists, but I plan to write more and longer sequel books.

DARC AGES Kindle Edition -- Out Now

2011-01-21T02:31:00.000-08:00

My epic novel DARC AGES (originally appearing as an illustrated Web serial in 1999) is now finally released in a special Kindle edition. The e-book is for sale on Amazon.com for $10.99 (includes free international wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet).

And if you think 10.99 is too expensive for a 100,000-word novel, you can still read the complete illustrated Web edition for free, at my homepage. (Freedom of choice!)

Some reader reactions to previous editions of DARC AGES:

"DARC AGES is one of the best books that I've read in a LONG time, the only other thing that is up to par with it is Catch 22, in my humble opinion."
-Scott Lovenberg, USA (Guestbook posting, 2000)

"It has suspense and action and romance. It has a great ending and I wouldn't mind seeing other books by this author..."
-David Andrew Ellison, USA (Amazon.com reader review, 2001)

"Darc Ages by A.R. Yngve is a very entertaining story that walks a tightrope between humor and seriousness. Many of the humorous elements have a light and a dark side; I both laugh silently to myself and get an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. "The uncomfortable element is hard to put one's finger on, but comes from that under the surface of this wacky and exciting adventure lies social criticism on different levels. Sometimes it is obvious and sometimes covert, but often to the point. [...]
"It is difficult to score Darc Ages, for it is rather uneven, but the fact remains that I simply like it. It gets a strong 3."
Score: 3 out 5
-Vinter (Review on Swedish website Catahya, 2006.)

DARC AGES Serial Complete, Other News, Film At Eleven

2011-01-18T04:56:00.000-08:00

This week's homepage update is the final chapter and Epilogue of my web serial DARC AGES.

Which makes the illustrated online novel complete -- and a special Kindle Edition will come in 2011.

I'm currently writing a novel in my native tongue Swedish (so I won't forget how to -- just kidding). It's a kind of "deconstruction" of the Heroic Fantasy genre, with the working title DEATH'S BROTHER. (Of course, in Swedish that would be "Dödens Broder".)

The novel came about when I asked myself:
Could I write a fairly credible story about a "lost civilization", set in prehistoric times, without getting into any Atlantis-ish nonsense?
Because there are such vast eons of time that are currently blank spaces in our history books. One can't help but wonder: Did humans sit around and twiddle their thumbs for 90,000 years, until someone shouted: "I just invented agriculture! Let's build a civilization!"
The big problem with writing about a "lost civilization" is that the story will naturally have a downbeat tone: It's about something that didn't last. But since I've started the book, I might as well finish it...

A children's book I wrote for the Swedish press Wela Förlag will come out in 2011, titled SUPERMOBILEN.

Homepage Update & More

2011-01-01T13:28:00.000-08:00

My official homepage has been updated with more free reading:

- DARC AGES
- THE ARGUS PROJECT

The DARC AGES serial is soon complete.
A new Web serial of ALIEN LAND - the sequel to ALIEN BEACH - will begin around springtime 2011. This version differs from the original Web serial, and will probably be a bit longer.

Also look forward to several more short stories in the PRECINCT 20: DEAD STRANGE cycle, with the titles "The Spiteful Dead", "Sylvester Bevere Must Die" and "The Two Deaths of Lamminkein".

-----------
And here's an interesting essay by Trent Walters:

Oh, the Humanity of A.E. van Vogt's Monsters: Reorienting Critics and Readers to the van Vogt Method

Choice quote:
Van Vogt's first plotting technique was the 'fictional sentence.' For the first story he sold, a true confessional, he made every sentence ring with an emotion.
For science fiction, he wanted critics and readers to read every sentence and use their imagination to fill the sentence in, leaving at least one - what he called - 'hang-up' per sentence.
The hang-up did not yield all there was to know about the subject, forcing the reader on to the next sentence, then the next and so on.

Read the rest.

Wishing You A Happy Winter Solstice!

2010-12-21T02:36:00.001-08:00

*******************************
*Happy Winter Solstice, Everyone!*
*******************************

And when we celebrate the winter solstice ritual of our choice, let the Golden Rule guide us... so that we may experience a little peace on Earth.

Homepage Update: DARC AGES and THE ARGUS PROJECT, And Some Riffing

2010-12-20T13:45:00.000-08:00

My official homepage has been updated with another chapter of DARC AGES, and two chapters of THE ARGUS PROJECT.

And since I was a bit bored before Christmas... I've posted a lot of comments on the blog Good Show Sir, where bloggers are invited to comment humorously on badly/ineptly made, unintentionally hilarious book covers (of which there is no shortage).

Example:

Little-known movie trivia:
Stanley Kubrick suggested ending “2001″ with Dave Bowman turning into a planet-sized, disembodied Starchild head floating through space…
…and Arthur C. Clarke replied: “That’s the stupidest ****ing thing I ever heard.”
Kubrick changed his mind.

Not A Real Book Cover. Honestly.

2010-12-11T23:19:00.000-08:00

Joke cover inspired by comments in this blog post on Good Show Sir:

"Every man is wealthy in storyland!" Or: The Hatred Of Money Implicit In Fiction

2010-12-08T04:54:00.000-08:00

Priceless comment in Nick Mamatas' blog:

silviamg notes:
Everyone is wealthy in storyland!

Livia Llewellyn corrects her:
"Every man is wealthy in storyland!"

They put the finger on the central issue with so much fantasy fiction (and fiction in general):

The big "escapism"/"flight of fancy" part isn't that the protagonist visits The Land of Oz... or finds a magical power ring... or anything like that... but that he (it's usually a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) doesn't have to worry about, handle, or be dependent on money.

There's of course the blatantly racist aspect of this cliché: Too many fictional stories implicitly tell us that if you're a WASP, you're automatically wealthy. If you're not... well, then you simply do not exist. You're erased from the fictional world. Naturally, this is an insult to the great majority of humanity who are neither White, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant nor wealthy.

But others have argued better about the implicit racism in fiction. I think there's also a deeper issue behind it. I am convinced that racism as a historical phenomenon is mainly profit-motivated. Racism was constructed around slavery to justify the profits of slavery, not the other way around.

So let's "follow the money" and see where it leads...

I ask you: Why does so much fantasy fiction feature characters who live in a world like our own, except it's untouched by money?
Have you ever asked yourself: All these people in TV shows, when do they work? For a wage?
(The exception would be cop shows: policemen, as shown on TV, do nothing but work. But they mostly seem suspiciously well-off, as if they didn't have to worry about their meager police wages.)

If you're wondering what I mean, come on: Who pays for your electricity, housing, car, food, education, social standing... or even your elected politicians? None of us can "stand apart" from capitalism. We are marinated in it.

So why doesn't much fantasy fiction glorify the adventure, excitement and fancy of Capitalism? (Except the fantasy fiction of Ayn Rand, maybe...)

I arrive at the possible explanation that people have a desperate need to dream themselves away from our money-oriented society.

I'm not really sure what that means, but it could mean that somewhere, deep down, most of us hate money. Not just on the level of envy (that someone, somewhere has More Stuff Than You) but the system of money itself.

Communism is dead, stone dead -- I never believed in it, despite some pathetic attempts to make us kids growing up in 1970s Sweden think that life in Cuba or China or the Soviet Union was good.

But clearly, I detect from the fantasy fiction of today -- the dreams of our society -- this persistent and deep unease with money, the medium of exchange that makes capitalism possible. We want to wish it away, pretend that money doesn't exist.

There should be a fairly easy way to test this hypothesis. Watch a whole day's worth of TV shows, or read a whole novel by some very popular writer, and count
1) The number of times someone buys or sells something in the story, plus
2) The number of times actual money is described or shown in the story.

I assure you, you will find that money is rarely shown or described. (The exception is the cliché of "dirty" money: cash stacked into an attache case in a drug deal, stolen money, or otherwise ill-gained.)

In medieval Europe, money was considered unclean. A whole social class, the Jews, was "condemned" by Christian society to be the despised money-lenders. And the resulting hatred mixed with confused envy felt by the Christians, went so deep it probably culminated in the Holocaust. That's what the feelings nurtured by money can produce: that much hate.

But the Medieval scheme to banish money from society didn't last; the lure of money proved irresistible even to the Catholic Church. Soon enough the Church was raking it in, selling tickets to Paradise to believers, which angered Martin Luther and triggered the Reformation -- and the 30 Years War.

Conclusion: Our hatred of money -- actually amplified by the bottomless greed for it -- persists to this day.
Right now, everyone knows that greed is threatening to tear apart the very fabric of the global economy (have you been watching the news lately?). And the problems caused by money is a daily complaint on all levels of society.

So should fantasy fiction (virtually all fiction, regarding the subject of money) deal with this, confront the issue of money, or continue to dance around it?

I could go on, but I don't have enough money to do so...

My Short Story "Copyfighter" In The World SF Blog

2010-12-07T13:52:00.000-08:00

The World SF Blog, dedicated to the international science-fiction scene, has posted my short story "Copyfighter."

Homepage Update, Nov.16: DARC AGES & Short Story "Family Photo"

2010-11-16T06:14:00.000-08:00

My official homepage update of the week:

Chapter 55 of DARC AGES;

"Family Photo", a new PRECINCT 20 mystery about... trying to determine whether someone is dead or not. It gets weird and creepy. And the protagonist starts to crack up under the psychic pressure of having to solve only the most bizarre cases.

Enjoy!

Website Update & Additional Silly Things

2010-11-08T04:22:00.000-08:00

My official website has been updated with another chapter of the novel DARC AGES. The story is approaching its conclusion... and I'm planning to release the complete novel as a Kindle e-book.

See also the Kindle release of ALIEN BEACH.

Speaking of which... I've started a serious rewrite of my novel ALIEN LAND, the sequel to (or continuation of) ALIEN BEACH.
The first version of ALIEN LAND, which ran as a Web serial, felt "rushed" and I knew it needed improvements. So the rewritten version, which will appear as a Web serial in 2011, is not going to be the same book.

And now for something completely different:
On the blog Good Show Sir, I often join in the comments on amusingly inept or badly executed SF/F book covers.

Watch me riff away with other bloggers at Good Show Sir.

Choice Quote:
-------------------------

Note how you can easily turn bad blurbs into cool Beatnik poetry:

The night
The stars fell
And the spacemen
Rose.

Can ya grok it, baby?
----------------------------

Nick Mamatas Gives Advice To Newbie Writers

2010-10-23T05:34:00.000-07:00

Choice quote from Nick's blog:
----------------------
Actually, after the moment when one has eliminated all the usual tyro errors—POV shifts at inappropriate moments, tantalizing the reader from the beginning, keeping unusual dialogue tags to a minimum—about 90% of the battle for a writer is to eliminate the need for external validation.

Of course, plenty of writers, some even quite good, remain desperately hungry for external validation, but sooner rather than later they either burn out or end up with a bunch of material they ultimately regret writing or that goes OP forever when some fad passes.
----------------------

Short Story "Landscape With Sententers" In Pulp Metal Magazine

2010-10-21T06:20:00.000-07:00

The webzine PULP METAL MAGAZINE has published my short story "Landscape With Sententers".

This story is also available in my short-story collection THE FACE IN THE DOOR.

"Landscape With Sententers" is based directly on a dream I had. It played out like information fragments from an imaginary distant future.
So what are "Sententers"?
Nightmare creatures...

On Similes -- Or: "The simile entered the reader's mind like a one-legged pirate dragging a lead coffin."

2010-10-20T02:14:00.000-07:00

I recommend that all writers -- beginners and seasoned pros -- should read Dave Langford's short column "Protons and Simile", in which he gives many examples of wrongheaded similes.

Choice quote:
--------------------------
Earthy: "The sound of water grew louder, and the gusting of the wind was like the eerie farting of a giant animal."
(G.P. Taylor, The Curse of Salamander Street).

"When he was yet a million miles away the bright ring of fire that marked its portal filled the sky in front of him, flexing and twisting like the devil's anus in spasms of immortal agony."
(Alan Glasser, The Demon Cosmos).

"The thought felt like a tapeworm lodged in the gut of his mind."
(Brian Ruckley, Winterbirth)

As a certain SF critic once put it, this is a concept which the mind cannot stomach.
--------------------------
Read the rest.

Wikipedia defines a "simile" as:
----------------------------------------------
a figure of speech that indirectly compares two different things by employing the words "like", "as", or "than".^[1] Even though similes and metaphors are both forms of comparison, similes indirectly compare the two ideas and allow them to remain distinct in spite of their similarities, whereas metaphors compare two things directly.

For instance, a simile that compares a person with a bullet would go as follows: "Chris was a record-setting runner and as fast as a speeding bullet." A metaphor might read something like, "When Chris ran, he was a speeding bullet racing along the track."

A mnemonic for a simile is that "a simile is similar or alike."
-----------------------------------------------

The problem with similes is that they tend to make writers sloppy.
I think this is because the words "like", "as" and "than" so easily confuse us.
(Does the writer mean "like" as in "exactly like"... or as in "similar in appearance to"... or as in "similar to the mood/feelings of a completely unrelated situation"??)

The common excuse of the sloppy writer is that the simile is supposed to be "poetic". It's all about mood and feeling, see? Well, yes, a writer should be able to express moods and feelings...

... but then do it in a way that makes at least rudimentary sense.

How can you spot a sloppy simile? The easiest rule of thumb is, does the simile translate well?

A typical sloppy simile in contemporary Swedish literature is:
"Nyheten slog ned som en bomb."
Directly translated, it means:
"The news impacted like a bomb."

The reader is tempted to add:
"...and destroyed the office, burying two editors under the rubble."

Further reading:
A list of typical similes.

ALIEN BEACH Now Available For The Kindle E-Reader

2010-10-17T02:27:00.000-07:00

My early novel ALIEN BEACH, written in 1997 and released as a Web serial in 1999, is now finally available in a Kindle e-reader edition. Buy it from Amazon.com:

The price is set quite low -- $6.99 -- and you can get wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet.

Digital Rights Management (DRM) is enabled -- but before the "copyfighters" start complaining, allow me to point out that the book has been available for free reading on my website for 10+ years, and it still is:

ALIEN BEACH - Free website edition

Reader reactions to earlier editions of ALIEN BEACH have been mostly positive:

"I'd highly recommend anyone who's into sci-fi to read this free online novel. The story touches on so many fundamental levels, it will leave you speechless."
-Mark Jones, USA (2005)

"It's interesting when we get to be so close to the characters (,) that when the book finishes we feel as if we were losing some close friends."
-Mario Andre Dias Pacheco, Brazil (2003)

"If you let yourself go with it and don't let yourself get distracted by your eyes rolling every now and again, you should enjoy it as a nice light, almost Golden Age-feeling science fiction novel (although showing the lack of a Golden Age editor)."
-Karen Burnham (2006)
If this self-publishing experiment proves to be successful, I will start the process of converting my other old books to the Kindle format: DARC AGES and its sequels, plus my short-story collections.

Homepage Update & Huckstering

2010-10-14T04:18:00.000-07:00

My homepage has been updated with more free reading... check it out.

Now, I'm trying to stay up-to-date with the accelerating technological revolution in digital publishing, but for various reasons I'm not yet able to sell my stuff through the iPad or the Kindle. (I'm not proud.)

For the time being, I'm limited to Print-on-Demand (POD). The following titles are available as POD paperbacks through my online shop:

BOOKS IN ENGLISH

DARC AGES: CITY OF MASKS - paperback (CafePress, 190 pages, ISBN: 978-82-92955-00-0)

ALIEN BEACH: A Novel - paperback (CafePress, 400 pages, ISBN: 978-82-997610-2-4)

THE FLATTERED PLANET - paperback (CafePress, 151 pages, ISBN: 978-82-997610-7-9)

DARC AGES 2nd Edition, no illustrations (CafePress, 496 pages, ISBN: 978-82-997610-6-2)

DARC AGES Illustrated Edition - A Novel (CafePress, 513 pages, ISBN: 9788299761031)

THE ARGUS PROJECT: A Novel - paperback chapbook (CafePress, 493 pages (large print), ISBN: 978-82-997610-4-8)

THE FACE IN THE DOOR And Other Stories - paperback (CafePress, 248 pages, ISBN: 978-82-997610-1-7)

THE FACE IN THE DOOR And Other Stories - e-book edition (Wela, ISBN: 9197540889)

The A.R.Yngve ART BOOK - Wire-O paperback (CafePress, 52 pages)

Homepage Update -- But Never Mind That! Check Out THIS Website Instead.

2010-10-05T06:16:00.000-07:00

I was going to mention that my homepage has been updated -- but then I found this:

TV Tropes

It's a treasure trove for fiction writers of all stripes. Any trope or cliche you can think of -- and plenty you haven't thought of -- is listed there. A very useful writer's tool, and damn funny too.

Choice quote:
Hilarity Ensues
Alleged consequence of any event in a Sit Com or cartoon which in the real world would result in hospitalization, a lawsuit, or dismissal from one's job, at the very least, up to and including possible imprisonment. Thankfully for our fictional friends both the Rule Of Cool and the Rule Of Funny keeps them safe (the latter more prominently).

There's more. Much more!

Learn How To Write About Science In News Media! Easy! Fun!

2010-09-29T01:39:00.000-07:00

Martin Robbins: "This is a news website article about a scientific paper"

A hilarious (and spot-on) text which describes exactly how news media write about science. All the standard journalistic cliches are included.

Choice quote:
--------------------
In this paragraph I will reference or quote some minor celebrity, historical figure, eccentric, or a group of sufferers; because my editors are ideologically committed to the idea that all news stories need a "human interest", and I'm not convinced that the scientists are interesting enough.
--------------------

Stray unrelated thought: So why do so many journalists become fiction writers anyway? Is reality not exciting enough to write about? Discuss.
:-S

Homepage Update: "GRISHAM'S WORLD" (1997)

2010-09-28T02:09:00.000-07:00

In 1997, the small American magazine/zine THE #12 GAUGE REVIEW published my long short story "Grisham's World". It is now available (in a somewhat revised form) on my homepage:

Grisham's World

This satirical story is very much of its time -- and some of it has aged -- but then again, lawyer jokes never go out of style...

Choice quote:
----------------------
The morning sky above was buzzing with circling helicopters, each loaded with prowling lawyers. (Two years since I last heard birds sing in the morning. Two years...)

The main herd of choppers were tracking the rush-hour traffic, eager to catch an accident and offer their services.

With a mixture of resignation, amusement and anger I recalled the multiple heli-crash last month. Stromberg & Stromberg had raced Kolka, Marks & Spencer for the rights to sue a driver who had just run over a pedestrian's foot. In the collision, the pedestrian got his head lopped off by a rotorblade.

I didn't see the crash, but according to the TV news, it all ended happily: the late pedestrian's lawyer sued the late helicopter pilots' families.

Stromberg & Stromberg and Kolka, Marks & Spencer (suddenly just Kolka & Spencer) made an on-the spot merger.

The D.A.'s wife, when asked to comment, said in a newsbite: "I was moved. Really, it was such a romantic incident..."
----------------------
Read the rest.

Homepage Update, Sept.21: DARC AGES & THE ARGUS PROJECT

2010-09-21T04:17:00.001-07:00

Check it out.

Homepage Update, Sept.15: DARC AGES & THE ARGUS PROJECT

2010-09-15T02:23:00.000-07:00

This week's homepage additions are:

- Chapter 46 of the long-running Web serial DARC AGES;
- Chapter 26 of the other Web serial THE ARGUS PROJECT.

(I've also fixed some typos and HTML errors on the website.)

So what else am I up to? Oh, this and that... I'm writing a new novel, and I'm looking for publishers/agents for my unsold manuscripts BLOOD & SWINE and THE TIME IDIOT.

And since some of my books are written in both English and Swedish, I'm searching for a foreign publisher for my Young Adult book series TERRA HEXA.

In addition to that, I've just written a short horror story which I'm going to send to a UK magazine come October. (If you want to read my other horror shorts, look HERE or HERE.)

Homepage Update, Sept. 7: DARC AGES & Short Story "BAD EGG"

2010-09-07T05:42:00.000-07:00

This week's homepage update:

- Chapter 45 of the ongoing web serial DARC AGES

- The short story "BAD EGG", another installment in my "crime horror" cycle PRECINCT 20: DEAD STRANGE.

"Bad Egg" was inspired by a real news item, about a crooked cop who attacked and beat up a man in front of the man's own home. Anger can be quite inspirational.

Homepage Update, Aug.26: DARC AGES & THE ARGUS PROJECT

2010-08-26T03:14:00.000-07:00

This week's homepage updates: DARC AGES and THE ARGUS PROJECT. Check it out.

And a note for publishers: I have now written two versions of my as-yet-unpublished "vampire comedy" novel BLOOD & SWINE... the English version and the Swedish one. Get in touch if you want to read either version. (Use my FaceBook page.)

LYSTRING, SVENSKA FÖRLAG: Vampyrromanen BLOOD & SWINE är nu översatt till svenska och en utgivare sökes

2010-08-25T10:57:00.000-07:00

För en tid sedan skrev jag en "skräckkomisk" vampyrroman på engelska, med titeln BLOOD & SWINE: A Comedy of Terrors. (Klicka på länken för att läsa ett utdrag.)

Nu har jag översatt hela romanen till svenska, och den svenska versionen har titeln BLOD & SVIN: En Skräckens Komedi.

Jag söker efter ett förlag i Sverige (eller Finland) som vill ge ut boken, och intresserade redaktörer/agenter är välkomna att höra av sig (se min FaceBook-sida).

Romanen är ca. 80.000 ord lång. En författarkollega som läst BLOD & SVIN sade att den påminner henne om Terry Pratchett och Martin Millar (man tackar och bockar).

Ett litet utdrag ur min svenska översättning av BLOD & SVIN:
-----------------------------------------
BLOD & SVIN: En Skräckens Komedi
av A.R.Yngve

PROLOG: Kronprinsen

Den gamle chefen sade: "Redan första gången jag mötte dig, Jack, så visste jag det. Du var förutbestämd att stiga till toppen i företaget."

    "Åhå? Varför det, Hollister?"

    "Du är hänsynslös… du tänker i farten… tar aldrig på dig skulden för nånting… du är en trollkarl på att charma kunderna… du lever för jobbet… har drivkraften att lyckas…"

    "Jag är imponerad. Såg du allt det där första gången vi möttes?"

    "Nej. Jag såg, viktigast av allt, att du har bra hår."

    "Fortsätt bara." Jack blottade sitt kompletta garnityr av vita, friska tänder i ett tillfredsställt stöddigt flin.

    "En stjärndirektör måste ha det. Bra hår. Den sorten som liknar stålull. Blir grått, men växer tjockt. Som hårmanen på en åldrande alfahanne i gorillaflocken. Det tyder på medfött kungablod. En del killar, de försöker fejka det. Funkar inte. Bara den äkta varan duger."

    “Chefen. Du bjöd inte in mig till ditt hem för att prata om hår. Så berätta det jag kom hit för att få höra. Berätta om… min framtid."

    "Ha ha… du har alltid målet i siktet, Jack. Okej. Ska berätta en hemlighet: Om tre år ska jag pensionera mig. Jag behöver tillbringa mer tid med min fru. Och jag vill att du ska efterträda mig."

    Jack slutade le och pressade samman sina smala läppar. Han såg sin chef i ögonen. "Tre år… det är inte snart nog. Jag behöver ett bättre erbjudande."

    Tyst och varsamt tog Jack ett grepp om Hollisters arm och tryckte fem fingernaglar in i mannens hand. Det kändes som ett svagt stick, men Hollister märkte det knappt. Hollisters kraftiga kropp stelnade till; han stirrade överraskat på Jack.

    "Va? Du menar att du –"

    "Du låter full. Du fick i dig för många drinkar under middagen." Jacks blick blev vagt icke-mänsklig. Hela hans form ändrade sig, som vore den en mörknande skugga. "Du dricker för mycket. Inte sant, Hollister?"
    Hollister kunde inte ta blicken från Jacks rovdjursaktiga ögon. De paralyserade honom. "Jack… dina naglar tränger in i min hand."

    "Lyssna, Hollister. Jag talar och du lyder. Säg 'Ja, store pösmunk.'"

    "Ja… store pösmunk…"

    "Där ligger din båt. Hoppa i båten, ta en tripp raka vägen ut på havet, hela vägen bort till horisonten. Bortom horisonten ligger alla dina drömmars mål. Allt du kan önska dig finns där. Åk. Och ta ett par drinkar till på vägen."

    "Ja… drinkar…"

    Med ett leende släppte Jack taget om Hollisters arm, ledde honom till piren och ombord på båten. Han vinkade till chefen medan Hollister startade den kraftiga motorn och körde iväg i en svallvåg av vattenstänk. "Ha det så kul!"
    "Kul…"

    Jack Drasco, Vicepresident för Hogoration Incorporated, vandrade bort från piren och uppför stigen till Hollisters herrgård. Den ende person som fanns kvar i byggnaden var Hollister Bannons fru. Hon sov troligen; klockan var tio över ett på natten.

    Fru Bannon kom ut genom verandadörren, iklädd sin badrock och underkläder. Hon gjorde en rusning mot piren. Jack fångade hennes hand, hårt, och stoppade henne. Fru Bannon snurrade runt och det lockiga blonda håret föll över hennes upprörda ansikte.

    "Jack!" skrek hon. "Vart är Holly på väg i båten? Så här dags?"

    Jack drog henne till sig. "Jag ville inte berätta det här, Tatyana, men… Holly bekände till mig att han tänker lämna dig. Han tog en lång tripp för att tänka över saker och ting, sa han. På kurs mot 'nya horisonter', sa han."

    "V-va?" Tatyana Bannon lät chockad och sårad. "Han kan inte mena det… han skulle ta mer ledigt från jobbet…" Hon plockade upp en mobiltelefon från sin badrock. Jack grabbade tag i hennes andra handled. Med ett ynkligt skrik tappade hon telefonen.

    Hans fingernaglar trängde genom huden på hennes handled. Hon kämpade allt svagare för att komma loss från hans grepp, tills hon andades lätt och fick en omtöcknad blick i ögonen.

    "Glöm bort Holly", sade han mjukt i hennes öra. Han ledde henne tillbaka in i huset. "Låt oss gå upp på rummet. Jag måste tala med dig i enrum."

    "Enrum…" repeterade hon. Och hon följde med utan att göra motstånd. Utanför, borta vid horisonten, höll en storm på att bygga sig upp. Avlägsna blixtar glimmade till över horisontlinjen.

    En timme senare ringde Fru Bannons telefon. Den låg övergiven på verandans kakelgolv. Den som gjorde anropet ringde tolv signaler innan han drunknade och hans båt sjönk. Från sovrummet en trappa upp kom en kvinnas hesa, rytmiska stönanden…

-----------------------------------------
Vill du läsa mer av BLOD & SVIN? Kontakta mig.

Homepage Update: "THE CLUB THAT WOULDN'T LET ANYONE IN", & DARC AGES

2010-08-18T11:20:00.000-07:00

This week's homepage update:

- Another chapter of the serialized 100,000-word novel DARC AGES;

- The short story "The Club That Wouldn't Let Anyone In" -- about a prank that Spins Horribly Out Of Control.

If you share my sense of humor, I recommend "The Club That Wouldn't Let Anyone In".

Homepage Update, Aug.11: DARC AGES and THE ARGUS PROJECT

2010-08-11T11:09:00.001-07:00

More free reading over at my homepage -- check it out.

Nurglon(r) Demands Ban On All Non-Cthulhu Worshippers Near "Ground Zero"

2010-08-11T03:31:00.000-07:00

POX News, Aug.10, 2010: Nurglon(r), the hundred-eyed, many-armed Thing From Beyond which emerged in Alaska and ran for President in the 2008 elections, currently the leader of the Rage Party (formerly the Republican Party), has finally made a public statement on the "Cordoba Center" controversy.

Since leading Rage Party members began a campaign against the construction of a mosque two blocks from the site of the former World Trade Center, Nurglon has been strangely silent on the issue.

This prompted talk radio host and Rage Party leadership contender Rash Limburger to recently claim that "Nurglon is soft on terrorism." Limburger has since disappeared, and Rage Party spokesperson Dick Flack claims that "Nurglon did not eat Limburger, honestly, cheese gives her gases".

But today, Nurglon broke her/its silence and made a lengthy official statement to the media:

Nurglon: THE CORDOBA CENTER MUST BE STOPPED, AND SO MUST ALL UN-AMERICAN PLACES OF WORSHIP NEAR THE SACRED, HOLY, SUPERGOSHDARNAMERICAN PLACE CALLED "GROUND ZERO".

AS YOU KNOW, ONLY AMERICANS WERE KILLED IN THE WORLD TRADE CENTER ATTACKS OF 9/11... PURE, WHITEBREAD, APPLE PIE-EATING, GOD-FEARING AMERICANS. NO SWARTHY, BEARDED HEATHENS EVER SOILED THE PURE, ETHEREAL SPIRES OF THE WORLD TRADE CENTER.

SO, IN ORDER TO SHOW PROPER GOSHDARN RESPECT FOR THE SACRED GROUND ZERO, WE MUST BAN ALL HEATHEN WORSHIPPERS AROUND IT, AND ON THE ENTIRE ISLAND OF MANHATTAN.

POX News: Do you mean Muslims, Nurglon?

N: I MEAN ALL WHO DO NOT BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP GREAT CTHULHU... AND CTHULHU'S MISTRESS... LITTLE OLD ME!

THEN, WHEN ALL THOSE WHO LIVE AROUND THE SACRED GROUND ZERO BOW DOWN BEFORE THEIR ONE AND TRUE MASTER, THEN AND ONLY THEN CAN THE WORLD BE CLEANSED IN RIVERS OF BLO... I MEAN, ONLY THEN THE TRUE, WHITE, APPLE PIE-EATING AMERICANS CAN LIVE SAFE AND SECURE, DARN IT.

Nurglon then paraded before the media her/its adorable 50-armed offspring H'Thffluh, before leaving.

Homepage Update, Aug. 2: DARC AGES

2010-08-02T03:16:00.000-07:00

My homepage has been updated with a new chapter of the serialized novel DARC AGES.

The entire novel is available as Print-on-Demand paperback from CafePress.

Homepage Update, July 26: DARC AGES & THE ARGUS PROJECT

2010-07-26T05:02:00.000-07:00

Check it out.

Homepage Update: DARC AGES & THE ARGUS PROJECT

2010-07-08T12:36:00.001-07:00

The July 8 homepage update:

New chapters of the novels/web serials DARC AGES and THE ARGUS PROJECT.

Finally, my summer vacation! The next homepage update will happen at the end of July.

New Short Story: "SLEIGHT OF HAND"

2010-06-30T02:05:00.000-07:00

On my homepage, this week's updates include more chapters of DARC AGES and THE ARGUS PROJECT -- and the short horror story "Sleight of Hand", not previously published.

Choice quote from "Sleight of Hand":
----------------------------------------------

He lingers away precious seconds. He reaches for his face, scratches the stubble on his chin with the six fingers of his right hand, thinking: What good is a beard, anyway? It won't keep you warm, it grows too long, food gets into it...

His six fingers. He blinks, holds up both hands to his face, and counts the fingers. Six on the right, five on the left. He has five fingers on his left hand... and no sign of ever having had a sixth one there.
----------------------------------------------
Read the rest.

Homepage Update, June 24

2010-06-24T05:55:00.000-07:00

Homepage update, June 24: new reading installments of these books...

- DARC AGES, Chapter 36

- THE ARGUS PROJECT, Chapter 19

So what are these novels "about", then?

Oh, that would be telling...

As a writer, I like to slip hidden messages into the reader's brain below the mind's radar...

As a reader of fiction, I like to be challenged, to experience an "expansion of my consciousness".

It is my humble hope that you'll be able to read these books as entertainment on the superficial level, while on the "subconscious" level your minds will be scrambled, stirred, shaken up, and come out renewed and enlarged.

Homepage Update, With Vampires

2010-06-16T11:41:00.000-07:00

This week's meaty homepage update:

- Another chapter of the adventure novel DARC AGES;

- Another chapter of the space-opera novel THE ARGUS PROJECT;

- A new sample chapter of my unpublished vampire novel BLOOD & SWINE: A Comedy of Terrors.

Choice quote from BLOOD & SWINE, Chapter 8:
---------------------------------
Before his inner eye flickered vivid images from the nightmare, like a flashback:
A face partly obscured by moving bars of shadow, its glassy eyes flickering with reflected strobe lights, stared at Carl and its mouth slowly opened to reveal... not teeth, but angular things that did not belong in this world...
---------------------------------
Read the rest.

Homepage Update: DARC AGES

2010-06-10T22:08:00.001-07:00

Busy, busy...

Homepage! Update! DARC AGES! Link!

http://aryngve.com

Artwork For MURKY DEPTHS Magazine

2010-06-10T12:13:00.000-07:00

For no reason whatsoever... a piece of interior art I made for the British horror magazine MURKY DEPTHS:

"100 Hacks to Help You Become A Better Writer"

2010-06-06T01:24:00.000-07:00

"100 Hacks to Help You Become A Better Writer"

- A handy checklist.

Do Fiction Writers Have Moral Duties?

2010-06-05T02:15:00.000-07:00

I ask you: Do fiction writers have moral duties?

1. Ah, but whose morals?
- A problem arises, in my view, when the most reactionary reader/critic/person demands that only his morals should be applied to literature. That is how we get absurd censorship cases where prissy people try to remove Shakespeare or Mark Twain from public libraries.

2. And duties to whom?
- To the person who actually reads the work? Or to every potential reader?
The second demand is sometimes made in the real world, but it is an absurd one. You cannot tailor every story to suit every 4-year-old reader who might come across it.
(Picture, if you can, a nightmare world where all the classics of literature have been rewritten for small children and that's all there is.)
People choose what to read. With choice comes the freedom not to read.

3. And shouldn't readers share the responsibility for how books are read and used?
Readers read, and they interpret the text (despite what fundamentalists will tell you, there is more than one way to read the meaning of a story)... so if writers are responsible for their words, then readers are responsible too.

I feel that I have some moral duties as a fiction writer. But I only have my conscience to guide me in this area.
My conscience tells me:
- Do not glorify evil
- Be honest
- Try to rise about primitive thinking and willful ignorance
- Avoid rigid dogma or fanaticism - people are more important than ideas
- Do not suck up to power

But you may think, why should writers worry about these things? Are stories really that much of a big deal?

Oh yes. The surest way -- perhaps the only way -- to get into a person's mind is to tell her a story. When writing was new, it frightened people: they saw its power to influence the minds of others, how it could move one person's thoughts into another person's head.
Since we take writing for granted now, we may have lost that insight.

A folk singer put the slogan "This Machine Kills Fascists" on his guitar. I might as well put a slogan on my PC or notepad: "This Machine Goes Straight Into Your Brain."

Homepage Update: Short Story "The Man Who Fell Out", And More

2010-06-04T13:21:00.000-07:00

This week's homepage update:

- DARC AGES, Chapter 33
- THE ARGUS PROJECT, Chapter 17

-... and the story "The Man Who Fell Out", a "crime horror" mystery in the story cycle PRECINCT 20: DEAD STRANGE.

Quote from "The Man Who Fell Out":
---------------------------------------------

"We just found the remains of a dismembered corpse, sir," said police sergeant Bolland over the phone.

"Where?" Garris sipped the last of his mug of coffee, and chewed up his second Filet'O Fish.

"A large chunk of human skin floated ashore in Sanford Bay. Completely skinned, sir. I found it on my morning patrol. Excuse me..." Garris heard him choke, as if he were about to throw up. "It was a man, sir. And the skin is tattooed... looks like a gang tattoo, but not like any I've seen before."

Garris drew a breath. The gangs had more or less stayed out of the 20th precinct since the 1970s, but a spectacular murder like this could mean they were coming back.

"Don't mention the tattoo to the media, and deliver the remains to the lab as discreetly as possible."

"That's easy - I can roll up the skin and put it in a bag."
---------------------------------------------
Read the rest.

Nurglon Proposes Sending "Hate Boat" Convoy To Palestine, Israel

2010-06-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

POX News, June 04, 2010:

The resident Rage Party leader and Folksy Thing From Beyond, Nurglon (r) responded today to the aftermath of the "Ship To Gaza" shootings, in a statement to POX News:

Nurglon: I CONDEMN THE USE OF DEADLY FORCE AGAINST THE AID CONVOY -- THE FORCE WAS WAS NOT DEADLY ENOUGH! THERE WERE SURVIVORS! I WOULD HAVE USED A TACTICAL NUKE. BECAUSE, GOSH! I'M A MAVERICK!

POX News: Will the tragic incident lead to any sort of change in the current stalemate between Israel and the Palestinians?

N: GOLLY, NO! SO WHAT IS NEEDED IS ANOTHER AID CONVOY TO BOTH GAZA AND ISRAEL. A HATE BOAT! I WILL PERSONALLY GATHER THE RESOURCES TO SEND MORE HATE TO BOTH PARTIES, AND SEAL THEIR MANIFEST DESTINY. YOU BETCHA!

P: What do you mean by their "manifest destiny", Nurglon?

N: TO DIE IN A CAULDRON OF NUCLEAR FIRE WHICH WILL GROW, AND GROW, AND CONSUME THIS PITIFUL PLANET. AIN'T POLITICS, LIKE, FUN? GOSH!

Nurglon then interrupted the interview, and paraded before the media her/its latest offspring -- the adorable thing called H'Thffluh, which was born with the severe handicap of only having 50 eyes.

Henning Mankell - Armed & Dangerous!

2010-06-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

Henning Mankell, interviewed by SVT (Swedish Television)

REALITY TEST: Which reality do you live in? Find out with this simple test! Answers can be found below (no peeking!).

Does the above photograph depict
A) Henning Mankell, Swedish writer, holding a harmless disposable safety razor
or
B) Henning Mankell, international terrorist assassin, brandishing a loaded weapon with which he intended to kill/harm/intimidate defenseless IDF commandos

-----------------------------
ANSWERS:

If you chose A): You live in what is commonly referred to as "reality."

If you chose B): You have a great future in politics.

Henning Mankell, Where Are You?

2010-06-01T06:23:00.000-07:00

The very successful Swedish crime writer Henning Mankell was on a boat trip the other day, when the boat was boarded by a very large group of armed men. And he has not been heard from since.

Henning Mankell, where are you? Are you all right?

UPDATE: He's been located and is returning to Sweden.

Homepage Update: DARC AGES & THE ARGUS PROJECT

2010-05-28T03:01:00.000-07:00

This week's somewhat belated homepage update:

- DARC AGES, Chapter 32 (a long one);

- THE ARGUS PROJECT, Chapter 16.

And now a reader mail : Alain from Canada wrote in to say
"Read your short stories they were Fantastic !"
Thanks!
If you want know see what Alain is on about, check out the many short fiction samples from THE FACE IN THE DOOR, or THE FLATTERED PLANET, or PRECINCT 20: DEAD STRANGE.

Website Update: DARC AGES

2010-05-19T13:13:00.000-07:00

My official website update is lean this week, due to real-life things happening which require my attention.
(Ever notice how I'm not going into the details of my private in this blog? And it'll stay that way. J.D. Salinger was on to something.)

But why not revisit a memorable oldie: Here I read my short story "SEE", which was once published in the Chinese Magazine KE HUAN / SCIENCE FICTION STORY.

Download the MP3 file of "SEE"

Still the best thing I ever wrote.

Website Update: DARC AGES

2010-05-03T12:33:00.000-07:00

Update of the week:
Chapter 30 of DARC AGES.

The entire story starts here.

Someone Dries To Tefend Typos

2010-05-03T12:23:00.000-07:00

Are there more typos in books than there used to be?
I don't know, but it seems so. I don't like typos, but they really seem impossible to get rid of completely.

In this essay, Joseph Epstein tells us to not take typos too seriously.

Choice quote:
The secret of excellent proofreading is caring intensely about getting things right and loathing error with an intensity that perhaps only fascism or an alimony-collecting ex-wife deserves.

Ouch.

Homepage Update: Story "NATURAL ENEMY" & DARC AGES

2010-04-27T04:24:00.000-07:00

This weeks' homepage update:

- DARC AGES Chapter 29.

- The long story "Natural Enemy", part of the PRECINCT 20: DEAD STRANGE cycle.

Choice quote from "Natural Enemy":
-------------------------------------------
He waved goodbye and walked out of the smelly lobby. Right then, his phone beeped. He snapped it up.

"Yes?"

"They found him. He's messed up real bad, sir. Real bad."

"Can he speak?"

There was a pause. Dr. Schmidt's familiar voice sounded over the phone. "Satten's been dead for several hours. I'll have to take the body to the lab for a more thorough examination, but you should know that it has no face. We identified him by the wallet and badge in his pocket. Something chewed off his face, Garris."

Garris swallowed.

"Chewed? You mean, like an animal?"

"Or several animals. Maybe rats, maybe dogs, I can't say right now." Schmidt sounded unusually distressed.

"Don't move the corpse yet. I'll be right over. Where are you?"

"Backus Lane, between the Snake and Cross and Bayliss. Follow the trail of cops, you can't miss it."
-------------------------------------------
Read the rest.

NURGLON SLAMS PRESIDENT'S FINANCIAL REFORM BID, PRESENTS OWN SWEEPING REFORM PACKAGE

2010-04-22T04:56:00.000-07:00

POX News, Washington, D.C., April 22:

POX News reporter Bill Hairdo has had a brief Q & A with Rage Party leader Nurglon, where she/it outlined a response to President Obama's finance reform bid:

Bill Hairdo: Nurglon, how do you react to worries that another big bank failure might cripple the economy, repeating history, if nothing is done about limiting the size of banks?

Nurglon: I AM AGAINST LIMITING THE SIZE OF ANYTHING! I MUST GROW, AND GROW, AND PRODUCE MORE OF MY SPAWN TO ENGULF THIS PITIFUL PLANET!

B: But how will that stance go down with small-town America?

N: SMALL-TOWN AMERICA WILL GO DOWN INSIDE ME! HA HA HA!

B: Critics accuse your party, the Repu... sorry, the Rage Party, of being in the pockets of the financial sector...

N: SO? WHAT IS WRONG WITH BLIND OBEDIENCE TO POWER? ALL-AMERICAN, PATRIOTIC, FAMILY-VALUES-FRIENDLY, GOD-FEARING, PRO-MILITARY POWER. GOSHDARN IT.

B: So your party will do nothing?

N: OF COURSE NOT! BY GOLLY! WE SHALL SEIZE POWER TO PUSH THROUGH OUR OWN FINANCIAL REFORM PACKAGE!

B: Tell us more.

N: FIRST, AS I'VE MENTIONED BEFORE, THE DOLLAR WILL BE REPLACED WITH THE CURRENCY OF BLOOD. SECOND, THE BIGGEST BANKS WILL BE GIVEN FREE REIGN TO TRADE AND SELL THE GREAT UNTAPPED AMERICAN RESOURCE.

B: Offshore oil?

N: THE POOR.

B: And by "the poor," you mean...

N: THE UNEMPLOYED! FOR STARTERS! THEN... WE'LL REDEFINE "POVERTY" ALONG A SLIDING SCALE.

B: Wait a minute... do you propose we reinstate slavery??

N: OF COURSE NOT! THAT WOULD BE WRONG! AMERICANS ARE TOO LAZY AND UNRELIABLE TO MAKE GOOD SLAVES! WE TRADE THEIR BLOOD AND ORGANS INSTEAD.

B: In your reform package, what about boosting trade exports, for instance to China?

N: WHEN I CLEANSE THE WORLD FROM TERROR WITH TORRENTS OF NUCLEAR FIRE, FOREIGN TRADE WILL CEASE TO BE AN ISSUE.

B: Wouldn't global war put a strain on the already strained U.S. budget?

N: ANYONE WHO TALKS ABOUT NUMBERS AND BUDGETS IS AN ELITIST SOCIALIST UN-AMERICAN SECRET MUSLIM WITH A FALSE BIRTH CERTIFICATE!

B: Thank you, Nurglon.

N: BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP NURGLON, MISTRESS OF GREAT CTHULHU! YOU MAY KISS ONE OF MY TENTACLES.

Homepage Update: Reading Samples

2010-04-22T04:48:00.000-07:00

This week's update of my official homepage (do people still call it "homepage" or is that "so 90s"...?):

- Another chapter of my serialized novel DARC AGES (1999);

-Another chapter of my serialized novel THE ARGUS PROJECT (2001).

NOTE: Some people have asked me: When are you going to write a proper sequel to DARC AGES? Well... a sequel (several ones, actually) already exist -- inside my brain. I just need to get the time and encouragement to write them down.

And by "encouragement" I mean buy the book already.

Right Now I Am In The Process Of...

2010-04-12T02:58:00.000-07:00

...translating my novel BLOOD & SWINE: A Comedy of Terrors into Swedish.

I'm of course looking for a Swedish publisher for this satire/horror-comedy. Any suggestions/recommendations?

Nurglon (r) Unveils New Midterm Campaign Poster

2010-04-08T01:43:00.000-07:00

POX News, April 8:
Nurglon (r), self-appointed new leader of the Rage Party (formerly the Republican Party), presented today her/its new campaign poster for the 2010 midterm elections:

The new slogans appear made to match Nurglon's endorsement of the Pope and are consistent with her/its previous stance on waterboarding and war.

When asked about the new slogan "MORE Nuclear Weapons," Nurglon responded to POX News:

Nurglon: THE SHINING ONE'S DISARMAMENT AGREEMENT WITH RUSSIA MUST BE REVERSED! SUCH UNPATRIOTIC SOCIALIST DEFEATISM IS UN-AMERICAN... AND WORSE, IT MOVES THIS PITIFUL PLANET ONE STEP AWAY FROM THE ANNIHILATION OF THIS WEAK, DESPICABLE HUMAN RACE.

POX News: Don't you think the goal of "annihilation of the human race" might alienate many voters?

N: NOT AT ALL! THE POPE HAS PROMISED MY GOD-FEARING VOTERS SALVATION ON JUDGMENT DAY! ALONG WITH EVERY SINGLE BISHOP AND PRIEST! HA HA HAAAA!

Homepage Update: DARC AGES & Short Story "And Now A Word From Our Sponsor"

2010-04-06T09:07:00.000-07:00

Check out DARC AGES, Chapter 25 and 26...

Or the short story "And Now A Word From Our Sponsor." (It happens to be one of my wife's favorites.)

Charles Stross: "Why Books Are The Length They Are"

2010-04-06T00:44:00.000-07:00

British author Charles Stross describes the practical reasons why so many published books are so long these days, why they are not shorter (or longer)... and why this state of publishing might change, thanks to technology:
"Why Books Are The Length They Are"

Choice quote from the comment thread:
------------------------------------------------
I've sometimes wondered if the rise in word count was also driven by the rise of the word processor ...

Yes, that's definitely driven word counts up; an editor of my acquaintance says submitted manuscripts bloated by around 20% during the 1980s, and it was very visibly associated with manuscripts that came off a word processor (which can be distinguished from ones off an electric typewriter -- margins and headers/footers are more consistent, for one thing).
------------------------------------------------

I'm confident in change. Publishing has never been a static business, and it is often affected by issues which have nothing to do with the writing itself: war, paper shortages, distribution systems, new print technology, legal confrontations over rights, etc.

There will be stumbles along the way -- hey, when do publishers not stumble? -- but eventually, the freedom of writers to set their own length to a novel/novella/story will increase.

Personally, I'd prefer to write shorter novels -- with some exceptions.

Homepage Update, March 23: DARC AGES, BLOOD & SWINE And More

2010-03-23T05:52:00.000-07:00

This week's Homepage update includes:

- DARC AGES, Chapter 24.

- THE ARGUS PROJECT, Chapter 13.

- BLOOD & SWINE: A Comedy of Terrors, Chapter 7.

Choice quote from BLOOD & SWINE, Chapter 7:
-------------------------------------------------------------

Carl climbed out of the container and hid behind a crate. Inside the warehouse, the music played so loudly that nobody could have heard him come. He peered at the open space near the entrance door, where the floor had been cleared.

A battery of colored lamps and strobe lights illuminated at least fifty dancing men and women. Carl sniffed at some strange, sweet odor and realized the warehouse was reeking with pot, tobacco and perhaps other smokes.

Over the speaker system, some artist with a German accent shouted bombastic lines in English:

I am the dance floor master!
I am the eardrum blaster!
The techno priest from afar!
It's 3 AM, do you know where your feet are!

Without the phone (and its camera), Carl felt very vulnerable. The best he could do was to try and bring back some evidence of crime, but he worried that the two UGG thugs might see him.

As he hesitated, hunching down behind the crate, his knees aching, he noticed a movement in the upper corner of his vision and looked up. From a high open window near the ceiling, a thick wispy spiral of white smoke drifted in from outside.

Or was it smoke? It seemed to move independently of the draft. Carl blinked hard and looked again; now the smoke was gone... and in its place stood a tall male figure on the walkway beneath the window. The man bent his neck to look down on the party floor.

He was dressed in a dark jacket and pants, and had a full head of gray hair. His face was obscured by shadow, and yet his eyes seemed to reflect the flickering primary colors of the light show.

The tall figure stirred, and a reflex made Carl duck down; for some reason he couldn't explain, the sight of the stranger sent an icy chill down Carl's already quite chilled spine.

He drew a few half-choked breaths and peeked up again; now the stranger had vanished from the walkway. It occurred to Carl that he might have been hallucinating.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Read the rest.

Nurglon Assumes Command of Republican Party, Changes Its Name To "Rage Party"

2010-03-23T04:16:00.000-07:00

POX News, March 23:
GOP National Campaign HQ, Washington, D.C. - During a conference signaling the start of the run-up to the 2010 Midterm Elections for the U.S. Congress, tentacled politician Nurglon (r) interrupted the GOP party chairman to make the following declaration:

Nurglon: THIS DITHERING HAS GONE ON FOR LONG ENOUGH. I HEREBY ASSUME FULL COMMAND OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. STEELE!! COME HERE, YOU.

Nurglon paused to devour a screaming Michael Steele (r), and continued:

N: I HEREBY DECREE! FROM NOW ON, THE ORGANIZATION FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE REPUBLICAN PARTY SHALL BE NAMED THE RAGE PARTY.

POX News correspondent Sarah Tannin: What's your party program, Nurglon?

N: PROGRAM? WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' PROGRAM! THE RAGE PARTY SHALL HAVE ONE GOAL ONLY: DESTROY!! REPEAT AFTER ME: DESTROY!! SAY IT LOUD, I'M ANGRY AND PROUD!

Attendant party members, some waving Confederate flags and nooses, then joined Nurglon in a 5-minute "Destroy!" chanting session.

Several overexcited attendants were injured from biting each other.

Interview With Kameron Hurley

2010-03-18T04:50:00.000-07:00

Interview with writer Kameron Hurley. Check it out.

Also read: Kameron Hurley's story "The Women of Our Occupation."

Nurglon Endorses Pope

2010-03-17T14:53:00.000-07:00

POX News, March 17:
While retreating from Capitol Hill, stating that her/its movement away from the building was merely a "temporary realignment," hundred-eyed politician Nurglon (r) made some rare and frank comments on the recent scandals involving the Pope and other Catholic Church officials.

In this transcript of a hasty running Q & A between Nurglon and POX News correspondent Sarah Tannin, Nurglon explains her/its stance.

Sarah Tannin: Nurglon, what is your religion?

Nurglon: I WORSHIP GREAT CTHULHU. BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP NURGLON, MISTRESS OF GREAT CTHULHU, LORD OF THE UNSPEAKABLE BEYOND!

ST: And what is your relationship to Earthbound religions like, say, Catholicism?

N: THOSE WHO DO NOT BOW DOWN TO THE ELDER GODS ARE ONLY FIT TO BE FOOD FOR MY SPAWN.

ST: So you don't approve of --

N: HOWEVER... I AM WILLING TO ALLOW THE VATICAN TO CO-EXIST WITH MY FAITH WHEN I AND MY SPAWN RULE THE EARTH.

ST: How come?

N: BECAUSE I LIKE YOUR POPE! HE'S SUCH A CHARMER! HIS EYES REMIND ME OF GREAT CTHULHU'S! HE AND HIS MINIONS SHARE MY GOAL, TO CRUSH THE SOULS OF YOUR OFFSPRING AND TEACH THEM UNQUESTIONING OBEDIENCE TO POWER!

ST: Now that's a little harsh --

N: I WOULD GLADLY LET POPE RATZINGER AND CARDINAL BRADY LIVE FOREVER AS UNDEAD HUSKS, ANIMATED ONLY BY MY TIMELESS MALEVOLENCE, IF IT WOULD HELP ME CRUSH THE SOULS OF ALL YOUR WEAK, PITIFUL CHILDREN!

ST: Jesus...

N: NO! DO NOT UTTER THE NAME OF THE BURNING LIGHT!

ST: What do you mean? Jesus Christ...

N: YOU SAID IT AGAIN!

ST: What? Jesus?

N: STOP SAYING "JESUS"! GOSHDARN! I SAID IT!

The interview was interrupted as Nurglon began to spout smoke and fled the site. The Vatican has since refused to comment on Nurglon.

A cardinal who wishes to be anonymous said to POX News that "Nurglon is welcome to join our Holy Church, if she/it agrees to publicly condemn the evil of contraceptives".

Homepage Update & Shout-Out To Literary Agents

2010-03-16T07:55:00.000-07:00

Item 1: HOMEPAGE UPDATE
This week's homepage updates are
- DARC AGES, Chapter 23
- THE ARGUS PROJECT, Chapter 12

Item 2: ATTENTION LITERARY AGENTS!
My homepage is also a showcase for my unsold, unpublished manuscripts -- including presentations and sample chapters -- an opportunity for YOU to discover exciting new fiction.

Visit my homepage, and find out why YOU should get in touch with me about becoming my literary agent.

I'm not kidding. If I was kidding, I'd be saying something like, "How many times was Stephen King's breakthrough novel CARRIE rejected by big publishers? - About half as many times as the next Stephen King will be rejected."

Website Update

2010-03-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

Due to illness (just the flu/cold, I'm getting better...), this week's homepage update is late and light:

DARC AGES, Chapter 22.

Norman Spinrad Interview

2010-03-02T05:18:00.000-08:00

An interesting interview with the author Norman Spinrad, on Michael Ventrella's blog.

Choice Quote:
---------------

VENTRELLA: Do you have any tricks you use for making sure that your characters are believable and consistent?

SPINRAD: Not really. Except mainly in fiction as in the real world, chez Emerson, “consistency is the hobgoglin of little minds,” meaning that fictional characters don’t have to be and probably shouldn’t be “consistent” if you want them to be “believable.”
---------------

Homepage Update: DARC AGES and "The Last Weblog Of Jonathan Lippincott"

2010-03-01T12:54:00.000-08:00

This week's homepage updates are:

- Another chapter of the web serial DARC AGES (also available in complete form as Print-on-Demand paperback, from CafePress.com );

- The short story "The Last Weblog of Jonathan Lippincott," part of the PRECINCT 20: DEAD STRANGE story cycle. (It is also an homage to H.P. Lovecraft, and a satire of comment spam... the supreme irony is that this post will of course get comment spam! ;-))

Enjoy... and aren't you glad we're finally past February?

Homepage Update For February 22, 2010

2010-02-22T13:20:00.000-08:00

This week's homepage update:

-DARC AGES
-THE ARGUS PROJECT
-THE TIME IDIOT.

In the latest sample chapter of my unpublished novel THE TIME IDIOT, the protagonist Prescott Walker encounters Albert Einstein in an alternate version of the 1940s.

Einstein is still a genius, and Prescott is still an idiot:
----------
"Are you serious?" asked Einstein, studying Prescott from head to toe. "You traveled in time to get here?"

Prescott nodded vigorously and showed Einstein the wooden box-camera. "I have photos here..." He couldn't find a lid to open the box and get the film roll out. "How do you get the pictures out of this thing?"

Einstein shook his head and said: "I remember that Kodak model from when I was young. You have to deliver it to a photo shop..."

"There's PhotoShop? Here? Are you sure?"

The misunderstanding was ignored. "Can you show me some technology from the future to prove your identity?"

He showed them the cell phone and let it play a few musical tunes, and the game Strip Poker. Einstein’s heavy-lidded eyes widened. "Mein Gott, he is telling the truth! Let me talk to him in private!"

----------

Homepage Update For February 15, 2010

2010-02-15T12:46:00.001-08:00

This week's update:

- DARC AGES: Chapter 19.

- THE ARGUS PROJECT: Chapter 10.

Homepage Update... With Desperate Housewife

2010-02-06T14:54:00.000-08:00

Official Homepage stuff added for week of Feb.7, 2010:

- Another DARC AGES chapter
- Another THE ARGUS PROJECT chapter
- The short story "Telephone Conversations" -- previously published in China, and in my short-story collection THE FACE IN THE DOOR.

Enjoy!

(Hey, what about that desperate housewife, you ask? Well, she's the protagonist/comical monster of "Telephone Conversations.")

Nick Mamatas On "It's Just Business"

2010-01-31T13:15:00.000-08:00

Well, read it (it's too long to quote fairly):
"It's Just Business"

Homepage Update for Feb. 01, 2010...

2010-01-31T12:38:00.000-08:00

Homepage updated... can't talk... busy.

Homepage Update... With Vampires

2010-01-23T15:15:00.000-08:00

In this week's Official Website update:
- More chapters of the novels DARC AGES and THE ARGUS PROJECT.
- Another sample chapter of my unsold vampire-comedy novel BLOOD & SWINE: A Comedy of Terrors.

Choice quote from BLOOD & SWINE:
----------------
He would retreat to a safe distance, then call and warn his grandparents...
Then, the phone in his hand loudly bleated out a high-pitched "Crazy Toad" ringtone he had bought a few weeks ago:

Glory, Glory Hallelujah
Glory, Glory Hallelujah
Glory, Glory Hallelujah...

His fingers trembled so badly he couldn't punch the "Stop" button properly, and the phone kept bleating. Gripped by irrational panic, Carl threw the phone on the ground and stomped on it. It bleeped one last Glory, Glory... - he stomped on it again - and it finally gave up the ghost.

With a sigh of relief, Carl looked around. Nobody had heard him. He had smashed the phone in vain.
----------------

Enjoy...

Health Insurance Ex-Boss Admits To Signing Blood Pact With Nurglon In 1945

2010-01-23T14:01:00.000-08:00

Washington D.C. (POX News): During the annual fundraiser gala Phyllis Schlaflitt Sings Hitler Jugend Evergreens For Charity, POX News correspondent Sarah Tannin made a surprise interview with Bernie Geldliebe, retired ex-CEO of the Iron Cross Health Insurance Corporation.

When asked about Nurglon's recent bid to seize control of Congress, and her/its challenge to President Obama, Mr. Geldliebe made the surprise admission that he had been familiar with Nurglon since the end of World War II.

"Frankly, I don't know why the old ball of pus hasn't gone public about it. She'll be in charge of things soon enough, so let's not beat about the bush any longer.

"My corporation was the first to sign a pact of allegiance with Nurglon back in '45. In blood, of course. Wanna see the tattoo of fidelity she drew on my back, with her own tongue?

"All the other health insurance cos were quick to follow -- but I was first, dammit. We swore to obey, to gain power in her name, to rid the land of the weak, and she'd help us ride this stinkin' country like a harp from hell. Damn, this is good vodka. Hey, is that thing on?"

Mr. Geldliebe then hastened to correct himself, but suddenly collapsed and turned into a puddle of putrid black goo before the eyes of the other guests. The puddle was rapidly taken away to Mr. Geldliebe's own private emergency ward in D.C., and his condition is reported as "undead but stable."

For more on the developing Nurglon situation, stay tuned with POX News.

------------------
Related stories:

- NURGLON IN 2008!
- Nurglon Rises From Grave

NURGLON For ALL Of Congress In 2010

2010-01-22T05:50:00.000-08:00

NURGLON (r) today unveiled its first 2010 midterm election campaign poster:

Nurglon is running for all seats, as she/it will not accept compromise or negotiation -- and he/she, being 150 feet tall, needs all the space to fit inside the assembly.

Nurglon's campaign promises have been announced as the following:

- "NURGLONCARE": All unemployed shall be fed to Nurglon, thus ridding the nation of any who cannot afford private health insurance, and thus also solving the job crisis.

- FAMILY VALUES: The Many-Eyed Spawn of Nurglon, now counting roughly 100,000 surviving hatchlings, shall be incorporated into the U.S. federal government and replace its human members.

- PRO-TORTURE: Waterboarding shall be made mandatory for interrogating all suspects when they are taken away. Everyone is a potential suspect.

- MONETARY REFORM: Blood shall be the new currency, the value of which is absolute.

- WAR: Nurglon shall cleanse the earth from terror with torrents of fire and suffering. The survivors (if any) shall be safe to fight in the next war.

- FAITH: All must bow down and worship Nurglon, Mistress of Great Cthulhu.

In related news, talk radio host Rash Limburger has accused Nurglon of being "soft on terrorism" and a "Republican in Name Only."

BREAKING NEWS: Nurglon Rises From Grave, Takes U.S. Government Hostage, Spits In President's Face, Proposes Eating Nation's Unemployed

2010-01-20T11:39:00.000-08:00

Nurglon (archive photo, 2008)

WASHINGTON, D.C. (POX News): Former Presidential candidate Nurglon (r), long believed to be dead, appeared in the nation's capital and slithered into the Capitol building. Democratic Congressmen fled the site in panic, while scores of Republican politicians and staff bowed down in worship, chanting Nurglon's name.

Once seated across the entire Democratic segment of Congress, Nurglon promptly declared herself/itself the "de facto U.S. Government" and made the following proclamation on C-SPAN:

Nurglon (r): THERE IS NO HEALTH CARE REFORM BECAUSE THE WEAK ARE NOT FIT TO LIVE. I PROPOSE MY OWN REFORM TO SOLVE BOTH THE HEALTH CARE CRISIS AND THE JOB CRISIS IN ONE SWIFT MOVE.

I SHALL EAT ALL THE NATION'S UNEMPLOYED, AS THEY CANNOT AFFORD HEALTH CARE. PROBLEM SOLVED. BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP NURGLON YOUR GOD!

Nurglon received wild cheers from Republican Congressmen, who proceeded to chant "Eat the poor! Eat the poor!" for half an hour.

President Barack Obama (D) then appeared before the remaining half of Congress, and began to speak -- but was interrupted when a giant gob of spit hurled from Nurglon's maw knocked him off the speaker's pulpit. He was carried unconscious from the building but is reported to have suffered only a mild concussion.

When POX News' correspondent Sarah Tannin asked Nurglon why she/it no longer seemed afraid of the President, Nurglon explained:

HOW LITTLE PERSPECTIVE YOU PUNY HUMANS HAVE. THE SHINING ONE LOST FOR THE ONE REASON I HAVE KNOWN FOR DECADES: BECAUSE THE DEMOCRATS TURNED FROM THE PARTY OF THE CONFEDERACY INTO THE PARTY OF THE WEAK.

AND IT IS THE FATE OF THE TOOTHLESS TO BE EATEN BY THE RUTHLESS. BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP YOUR GOD AND PRESIDENT -- NURGLON!!

For more on the developing situation, stay tuned with POX News.

Meanwhile, Back In 2008, Nurglon Said...

2010-01-18T22:22:00.000-08:00

Interviewed by POX News during her campaign back in late 2008, Nurglon(r) said....

Sean Inannity: [...]You may have heard some critics attack you for coming from another dimension in Alaska.Now, the Justice Department has assured voters that your dimension legally speaking lies within U.S. territory.
How do you respond to critics who claim your citizenship isn't strictly legal?

Nurglon: IS TORTURE LEGAL? HA HA HA!

Well, thank the stars that Nurglon's dead and isn't coming back. Right?

Right......?

Homepage Update...

2010-01-18T06:30:00.000-08:00

I've been down with the stomach flu, so this Official Website update is a bit light:

- Another chapter of the epic adventure serial DARC AGES;

- "Killed in the Ratings", another story in the cycle PRECINCT 20: DEAD STRANGE.
This story is a fairly lengthy one, and it's more light-hearted than the other "Precinct 20" stories... apart from the gruesome knife-murder scene, that is. In some ways it's a send-up of the traditional "Locked Room" mysteries.
It originally appeared on my old homepage in 2004 -- unfortunately riddled with typos and inconsistencies, which I have now fixed.

Enjoy...

Suggestion: Liveblogging An Improvised Novel (What Do You Think?)

2010-01-18T02:47:00.000-08:00

I just recovered from a bad stomach flu (bleh), and as I felt my creative powers surge back, I had a sudden notion I'd like to put forward and hear what you think of it.

I'd like to try this: I'll improvise a novel completely from scratch. It'll be based on existing characters, and the barest plot skeleton, but I won't know the ending in advance. (Normally I plot a novel meticulously before I start writing.)

I'd spend 15 minutes each day writing an installment of the novel and then post it virtually unedited, on this blog. It would be like liveblogging the writing process.

And to avoid thorny copyright issues (I don't want some crank claiming that I "stole his suggestions"), comments will be closed for each installment.

It might be fun. I have NO idea how the novel will turn out, but at least I'll have unlimited time to finish it (whenever that might be).

What do you think? Would you read it? (Suggested genre: post-apocalyptic "road movie" story.)

:-S

IN THE YEAR 2010...

2010-01-17T23:16:00.000-08:00

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... The sun will keep rising every day, blithely ignoring the demise of all the dead religions which sacrificed human lives to keep the sun going.

IN THE YEAR 2010...

2010-01-14T06:48:00.000-08:00

Let us look into the future, friends... all the way to the year 2010. IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN...

[New Age music plays in background]

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... the new catch-phrase on everyone's lips is: "Crazy like Fox."

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... a very small tsunami wrecks your garden shed, then moves on down the street.

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... the War on Terror is officially declared over and succeeded by the War on Jeff Dunham.

Today, Finally...

2010-01-14T06:47:00.000-08:00

... the copy I ordered of YOU MIGHT SLEEP..., Nick Mamatas's short-story collection, arrived in the mail. Wo-hoo!

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN...

2010-01-14T01:30:00.001-08:00

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... a giant flaming hand, belonging to some unspeakably evil being from Beyond, emerges through a crack in the sky, grabs televangelist Pat Robertson and drags him screaming into a fiery inferno from which no man has ever returned... then the crack shuts.

IN THE YEAR 2010...

2010-01-13T09:13:00.000-08:00

Let us look into the future, friends... all the way to the year 2010. IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN...

[New Age music plays in background]

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... Scientists will discover that sports cause brain damage, drug addiction and shortened lifespans. Furious sports fans suicide-bomb universities in protest.

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... the newspaper industry, in a desperate attempt to increase sales, introduces the pinup segments Page 1 Girl, Page 2 Girl, Page 4 Girl, Page 5 Girl, Page 6 Girl, Page 7 Girl and Weather Page Girl.

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... Life is discovered on Mars... but is accidentally squashed under the wheels of a passing space probe.

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... a new religion promising the return of Roy Orbison gains millions of followers worldwide. Countless Elvis impersonators are re-educated to wear black and sunglasses.

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... it is revealed that the oil wells of the Middle East ran dry years ago, and the OPEC has been selling liquefied poop ever since.

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... Barack Obama is accused of being a secret Kinder Egg collector.

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... Simon Cowell is voted out of the Reality TV contest "American Reality TV Host".

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... it is really the year 2043 AD.

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... an actual Confederacy of Dunces is exposed. A major TV news network responds with the slogan "I'm With Dunce" and promotes a new Dunce Party.

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... the last printed newspaper on Earth goes bankrupt. From then on, all people rely entirely on Johnny the Shoeshine Boy for news and information.

IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND-TEN... a conservative politican goes on a public rant about the low morals of minorities, foreigners and non-Christians... and EXACTLY ONE MINUTE LATER is revealed to have had a long affair with a close friend's family, said family's gardener, the gardener's pet parrot, his tractor, and a troupe of circus midgets.

(To be continued)

Homepage Update For January 10, 2010:

2010-01-09T14:27:00.000-08:00

Homepage Updates:

- Chapter 14 of DARC AGES ;

- Chapter 10 of THE TIME IDIOT.

Choice quote from THE TIME IDIOT, Chapter 10 (a novel in search of a publisher):
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He gave the corpse of Stalin one last look, and shuddered. "May God have mercy on your soul, you godless Commie bastard," said Prescott and climbed into the pod. "Mission accomplished."
------------
Read the rest.

First Homepage Update Of 2010

2010-01-03T13:20:00.000-08:00

First homepage update of the new year:

DARC AGES, BLOOD & SWINE, TERRA HEXA and THE ARGUS PROJECT.

Enjoy...

Nick Mamatas: " Couting Coup with a Pig-Sticker"

2010-01-03T13:06:00.000-08:00

I frequently read the author Nick Mamatas's sharp, witty, often scathing blog for its insights into the writing game.

If you are in the habit of submitting your fiction to publishers (and isn't it ironic how we use the term "Submit", with all its masochistic implications), then his column "Couting Coup with a Pig-Sticker" should be of particular interest to you.

Choice Quote 1:
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I received an offer letter for Move Under Ground from an independent foreign-language publisher (language announcement TK on signing) this morning. A good Christmas present, one made better by the fact that the same publisher had rejected the book earlier this year, but with a promise to send it along to a friend of his at another company with a more amenable list.

He wrote, this morning, "On a second thought and a more selfish one I admit, I hate the idea of giving the book to somebody else since I liked it so much..."

This sort of thing happens to me a lot.
------------------
Choice Quote 2:
------------------
I suppose one of the charges I get from writing and submitting fiction is the sense of "Yes! BOW to the story, Oinky!" I get when receiving acceptance letters. And, truth be told, I've been Oinky myself. I originally rejected Kristin Mandigma's Excerpt From a Letter by a Social-Realist Aswang for Clarkesworld, the decision made purely from the fear that I'd be the only one to like the story.
------------------
Read the rest.

From the above column I gather that

1) Publishing is governed chiefly by fear;
2) Do not second-guess yourself - write what you want to, not what you think "will sell" because nobody really knows what "will sell";
3) "Yes! BOW to the story, Oinky!"

Deposed Iranian Leaders Call For Repealed Sentences, Softer Rope

2009-12-29T16:31:00.000-08:00

------------------------------------------------------------------
Teheran, 2010 (IRNA):

Former Iranian leaders Sayyid Ali Khamenei and Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, speaking before a large and irate crowd of Iranian citizens, called for a last-minute press conference and made the following statements to the world media.

"This ridiculous sham revolution is all a plot by the Great Satan," said Mr. Khamenei, "to replace real Iranian citizens with Zionist duplicates pretending to overthrow our blameless God-appointed government! In the name of all things holy, I call your so-called 'sentence' a fraud." He then added, "And I'll die a martyr anyway, so nyah nyah! Furthermore, this rope is filthy and too coarse for my sensitive skin, and GACKKK!!!"

Mahmoud Ahmedinejad said, in a more conciliatory tone: "Really, people, you have got this all wrong. I had nothing to do with all the executions and those crazy-ass Basij. It was him, Khamenei, who did all the bad things. I was only following orders! I regret nothing! Death to GAAACKKK!!!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
[*SATIRE*]

Short story "Alien Bites Man" Posted In Indian Webzine KALKION

2009-12-21T02:56:00.001-08:00

The Indian science-fiction webzine KALKION has posted my humorous short story "Alien Bites Man."

Enjoy...

Xmas Season Website Update: DARC AGES, THE TIME IDIOT, TERRA HEXA and THE FLATTERED PLANET

2009-12-20T09:37:00.000-08:00

My official website has been updated for the Xmas season, with more reading content:

- Another chapter in the serial DARC AGES (and some faulty page links have been fixed -- my goof!).

- Another sample chapter from THE TIME IDIOT, my novel-in-search-of-a-publisher.

- A short sample chapter from the unpublished English version of TERRA HEXA, my adventure novel for young adults (Swedish version published in 2004 by Wela Förlag, later re-released as POD paperback by the author).

- Another chapter in the serial THE ARGUS PROJECT.

- "Copyfighter", a sample short story from the collection THE FLATTERED PLANET.

Merry Xmas...