A.R.Yngve's "Notes Toward Becoming A Better Writer": January 2009

Saturday, January 31, 2009

My Unsold Teleplays & Screenplays: Make A Bid!

In addition to hawking my unsold English-language manuscripts for novels, I am looking for an agent/publisher for my unsold teleplays and screenplays.

These are:

1. THE FATHER MACHINE (screenplay)
A movie adaptation of my comic-strip "E+", published in the defunct Swedish comic book SVENSKA SERIER (released by Semic Press, the 1990s).
This is an ultraviolent near-future tale of a runaway experimental cyborg, hunted by ruthless mercenaries and his "creator."
(This script was previously represented by Faye Swetky, who has since retired.)

2. STUPID! (teleplay)
A faithful adaptation of my short story "Stupid!" which was published in the Chinese magazine SF KING. The blackly comic story of a half-witted criminal who is sentenced to a very unusual punishment.

3. Various short plays written for radio (Swedish)
I have written several short radio scripts, mainly adaptations of my short stories.

These scripts are in Swedish, but can quite easily be translated into English. (Running time for each short: Approx. 10 minutes.) The unpublished radio scripts are:

- "Super-Size Security" (based on the short story published in MURKY DEPTHS #2)

- "Bröllopet som slukade världen" ("The Wedding That Ate the World")

- "Dumskalle!" ("Stupid!", based on the short story published in Chinese magazine SF KING - also in Swedish as "Dumskalle!")

- "En kul grej hände på vägen till Valhall" (based on the short story "A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to Valhalla")

- "Fruktans fysik" (based on the short story "Physical Terror" from the collection THE FACE IN THE DOOR)

- "Kriget" ("The War", based on the short story "Kriget")

- "Rasisticus" ("Racisticus", based on the short story)

Friday, January 30, 2009

Homepage Update, Jan.30

My homepage has been updated with Chapter 29 of ALIEN LAND (2006), the attempted sequel to ALIEN BEACH (1997).

Karen Burnham had the following to say of ALIEN BEACH (and I can't say I disagree very much):

"If I were to say that Alien Beach is a self-published novel available for free on the web from the Swedish writer A. R. Yngve, you would probably instantly have some preconceived notions about it – namely that it would probably suck.

"I am here to tell that it does not, in fact, suck. It’s not terribly good, but it is an early work by an author who has been published in quite a few venues. This is not amateurish fan fiction. It is deeply flawed, but if you’re looking for a fast, free story about alien first contact, you could do worse than to read this."

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

My Unsold Manuscripts: Make A Bid!

Agents, publishers, take notice: I have these unsold manuscripts for sale. Make a bid!

1. TERRA HEXA - English version
The first in a series of Young Adult novels, in a revised English version.
Three TERRA HEXA books have been released in Swedish by publisher Wela (the 3rd as e-book only).
I have full international rights to the entire series. (Book 2 and 3 are not yet translated.)






2. THE TIME IDIOT
A satirical novel about an inept American President who nearly destroys the world while battling his drinking problem. I have been shopping this manuscript around for a while.
(My wife thinks this book is very funny, but she's not a publisher.)







3. BLOOD & SWINE (work in progress)

A satirical horror-comedy novel about vampires. And pigs. Lots of pigs.

Serious agents and publishers can contact me through FaceBook (search for "AR_Yngve") or the Guestbook on my homepage.) -A.R.Y.

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Finest Literature Makes You Laugh (And How's That For A Bit Of Pretentious Garbage)

Comedy is the most underrated form of literature. Making people laugh is hard. (Laughing at oneself seems a particularly rare skill.)

How easily we forget that even the best performed comedy is written before it is played -- such as these wonderful Monty Python sketches.

One way to learn how to write funny is to read lots of humorous literature.
You can start with these classics, free from Project Gutenberg:

- Jonathan Swift: A MODEST PROPOSAL (1. Text) (2. MP3 audio)

- Jerome K. Jerome: THREE MEN IN A BOAT (1. Text) (2. MP3 audio)

- Ambrose Bierce: THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY (text)

There are several types of humor; some work best in prose, others as performance.
Writing humorous literature, you may find these rules of thumb useful:

1. Observe what makes people silly in real life.
Then write it down.

2. Locate the most ridiculous flaws of the characters in the story.
(And if you can't, you have no sense of humor.)
That someone is only fat, or only has a speech impediment, is not enough.
Do combinations of flaws: a character is fat and vain and has a funny voice.
(Eric Cartman: "I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!" "You will respect my authoritah!")

2. Show how these flaws lead the characters to humiliation and ridicule.
For example, you visit the country you say you liberated, and people throw shoes at you.

3. The more the characters refuse to learn from their mistakes -- i.e. the more immaturity they display -- the funnier they get.

4. Each setup must lead to a satisfying payoff. If there is a banana peel on Page 1, someone must have slipped on it when you come to the last page...
...or, a really skilled writer can make it funny that people almost slip on it but nobody really ever does.

5. Build on every punchline for maximum effect.
Repetition can be funny.

G.W.Bush ducks one shoe throw, that's funny.
G.W.Bush ducks two shoes in a row -- that's comedy.
(Counterpoint: Mike Myers repeating the same jokes over and over in all his movies tends to earn fewer and fewer laughs. Even the funniest joke goes stale after the first nine billion times...)

6. Spare no one.
SOUTH PARK works because it's an equal-opportunity offender. If one character in the story is consistently never ridiculed while all the others are, he comes off as a saint... or more likely the author comes off as a bit of a cheater. The Gospels: Worst - comedy - ever.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

What Foundation Of Ideas Is Your Novel Built On?

If you set out to write a novel (a fairly coherent narrative, some 30,000 to 300,000 words long), you need something to support that mass of words, something with enough weight to make all the plotting and characters worth following.

You need the underlying ideas - the Deep Stuff beneath the story and characters and plot and surface messages.

Bear with me.

Writing courses can be a great aid to teach you important things like style, theme, grammar, dialogue, characterization (not my strong suit), how to create a believable setting, realism vs. fantasy, etc. But do they miss out on the importance of ideas?

In my experience, the longer you write, the more it makes you think about what you're trying to say. You tend to get a bit - not wanting to sound like a snob here - philosophical.

That tendency is obvious in authors who have been at it for decades: they can get caught up in some Great Idea (sometimes truly great, sometimes just silly and occasionally quite disturbing), and spend much mental effort trying to express it through fiction.
The Great Idea can even become an obsession which eventually destroys the writer.
(See also the BBC documentary "Dangerous Knowledge", about mathematicians who get lost in their intellectual pursuits.)

There is no law that requires you to Think Deep before you write a novel about, say, this girl who meets this boy and they fall in love.
But you may become aware that in even the most "trivial" or "light" literature, there is always an idea underneath. And if you write many books, this awareness will come to you.

Here's an example:
I used to read THE DESTROYER books, back in the day when they were written by Warren Murphy and Richard Sapir.
I enjoyed the books for their often biting satire, and also for the humorous interplay between the protagonists Remo and his grouchy Korean mentor Chiun.
(Chiun was often the more interesting character, and often got the best one-liners.)

I gradually became aware of the underlying ideas of the book series. The premise was spelled out explicitly: All rulers must eventually fall, but assassins will always find new employers. Democracy and the open society didn't really work - they were a beautiful dream, a sham that must be upheld for the sake of... well, for the sake of something. Brute force, in the form of secret assassins hired by a secret government agency, would keep the threats to democracy at bay - at least until the assassins found better employment.

In other words, the THE DESTROYER series was built upon a philosophy that the USA was doomed unless extreme violence was used without intervention from voters, elected representatives or law enforcement. Only the President of the United States needed to give the (secret) order to kill enemies of the state.

As long as the threats to the USA were fictional or exaggerated, I could shrug off this philosophy as a dark, cynical satire. But then, on September 11, 2001, there was... an incident. A real-world threat emerged which indeed - for a while - seemed to threaten the USA and the free world.

Of course, the fictional super-assassins Remo and Chiun didn't exist. (You could say we're living in a reality where the rather lame equivalent of Blofeld does exist, but James Bond doesn't and never will.) In their fictional world, a bit of skilfully applied pain (read: torture) would always - always - force out the truth from villains and their henchmen.

In the real world, torture isn't a reliable truth serum. (Not even truth serum is a reliable truth serum.) Also, in the real world, allowing for secret torture opens up terrifying possibilities that anyone, anywhere, might be kidnapped by unaccountable agencies and tortured because of a mistaken suspicion that you might be a "threat."
And it inevitably creates a society choked by fear - the fear of that dreadful knock on the door at three o'clock in the morning... which might happen to you.

So, in a very long book series, it got to the point where the underlying philosophy of the fiction clashed too hard with real-world thinking. The real U.S. government started to act as if THE DESTROYER really existed and should go about secretly torturing people. This was, when you think about it, insane and worked against its purpose (defending democracy and the open society by undermining it).

When I came to the book where the authors (Richard Sapir was not involved at this point, being deceased) started to preach about what great "warriors" George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were, they lost me. ("Warriors"?? As in, picking up weapons and actually joining the armed forces in frontline combat?) Then I had to stop buying those books.

The underlying ideas defeated the entertainment value. The authors got too confused about what was real and what wasn't. To defend their fiction, they went so far as to defend indefensible reality. (*)

And that is why writers should think about what ideas they build their work upon, so that the ideas won't get the better of them.

------------
(* Addendum: In each THE DESTROYER book, it is implied that the incumbent President is also the "President" in the books released at the same time.

Now that the current President has made a public decision to
stop all torture of prisoners, the writers of the series must find themselves in a tricky situation.

How will they continue the series now? Pretend that the President is lying and secretly approves of the fictional characters torturing people for him? Or make them "rogue" agents? I won't buy the new books to find out, but I'm curious to know what they'll write. Drop me a line if you find out. -A.R.Y.)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

For No Reason Whatsoever...

...here's a quote from A.R.Yngve's READING BOOK, chapter 13:

13. MEN IN UNIFORM


13.1. The Armchair General

See the Armchair General.
See his puffed-up cheeks.
Puff, puff, puff.
See his collection of Third Reich memorabilia.
See his chin
if you can.
He's not really a general --
actually, he never made it past lieutenant
but he thinks he is a general.
In his dreams
and in his tabletop war-game
he commands the reborn Third Reich
in a glorious genocide.
He writes books too.
With titles like
"Spaceguard of the Waffen-SS",
"Gassing the Alien Hordes"

and "Aryan Tiger Tank Astronauts".
But if you ask him:
"Are you a Nazi?"
he will deny it -- angrily!
The Armchair General thinks nobody knows.
That's why he's still a lieutenant.

13.2. Grandpa

See my Grandpa.
Kind, kind, kind.
He was a major in the Swedish Army.
He watched the borders of my country
during World War II
and later went with the U.N. Forces
in Palestine.
Grandpa never killed anyone.
He was a gentle man
who played the violin.
He's my hero.

13.3. The Militia Man

See the Militia Man.
See his dress-up uniform.
Khaki, khaki, khaki.
He has never been in the real military.
The real military doesn't have uniforms his size.
The Militia Man's tailor is doing good business.
See the Militia Man's "recruits."
Rednecks, rednecks, rednecks.
They call him "Commander."
He couldn't command a Port-a-Potty.
The "Commander" talks to his "recruits"
about fighting the evil Government
that wants to take away their freedoms
such as the freedom to own slaves.
Is the Militia Man as dangerous
as he sounds?
It's not easy to say.
Perhaps he would be more dangerous
if he weighed less than 400 pounds*.
So support your local militia
with free donuts.

(*ca. 180 kg.)

-----------------

"A.R.Yngve's READING BOOK" is (c)A.R.Yngve 2003. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced without permission.


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Frederik Pohl Has Started A Blog!

Author Frederik Pohl has written some of my favorite books and short stories - such as THE SPACE MERCHANTS, "The Tunnel Under the World" and "The Midas Plague."

It brings me great joy to learn (through Locus Online) that Frederik Pohl (born in 1919) has now started his own blog.

Read it.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Short Story: "Sleight Of Hand"

Homepage update:
I have posted the short story "Sleight of Hand" (previously unpublished).

The story is hard to classify; perhaps "absurdist" is the proper category.

Monday, January 05, 2009

THE FLATTERED PLANET - 18 Very Short Stories

THE FLATTERED PLANET is a Print-on-Demand collection of 18 very short stories.

The following stories in the book have been published in print:

- "Quadrillennium" in the Swedish small-press horror anthology SCHAKT 005: MARDRÖMMAR I VINTERTID OCH ANDRA MORBIDITETER (Ed. Kent Björnsson);

- "Insider" in the Swedish magazine/semiprozine MITRANIA;

- "Super-Size Security" in the British horror magazine MURKY DEPTHS;

- "Stupid!" in the Chinese magazine SF KING.

The other stories in THE FLATTERED PLANET have previously appeared in various places on the Web.

Review quote (from Catahya.net):
"All in all I found this collection well-written and entertaining, with both funny and frightening ingredients. It feels almost obligatory and redundant but has to be said: a rollercoaster."

The paperback is available from CafePress.


Thursday, January 01, 2009

Homepage Updates & New Year Resolutions

My homepage has been updated with another chapter of ALIEN LAND, the attempt to write a sequel to ALIEN BEACH.

The sequel has been serialized on my homepage a few years before. This new serial is a rewritten version, but I think it is still a weak sequel.
(Then why post it, you may wonder? Well... I reserve the right to be imperfect and nobody's paying for my homepage, so...)

And now a New Year's Resolution for 2009: I will sincerely try to be less blunt and try not to offend people by saying rash, impulsive things.

And I want to apologize to those I've offended in the past by being blunt and impulsive: Cory Doctorow, Charles Stross and the fanfiction community, among others.