Writing 101

It's this easy -- or should I say this hard:

1. Figure out what you want to say (or, what story you want to tell. It's the same thing.).

2. Try to write it down in a way that will express your story/statement as clearly and lucidly as possible.

3. When you're finished, find a publisher. (Or self-publish, if you have to.)

But you cannot accomplish either of the above if you start writing from the following assumptions:

A) I want to write a bestseller and earn lots of money and fame, not have to express anything;

B) I want to write exactly the kind of book that my favorite author writes, and not have to deal with or face up to any thoughts/ideas/emotions inside my own head.

Do you want to express yourself or not? Is anything at all on your mind? (If not, why?)

Oh, and:

4. Critics are failed artists.

Ted Gioia: "Notes on Conceptual Fiction"

Ted Gioia on "Conceptual Fiction": he suggests that traditional "realism" in literature is a recent, passing phenomenon that may already be fading out. (I tend to agree...)

Choice quote:
"Other genre categories—mysteries, romances, etc.—have very
strict limitations on their plots, characters, narrative structures,
etc. A mystery book must have a crime and a solution to the
crime. A romance book must have a love story that proceeds
along more or less familiar lines. These formulas must be
followed at all costs.

But the science fiction and fantasy categories were far more
freeform. Almost anything could happen in these books, provided
they played some game with our concept of reality. The only
promises these works made were to astound and delight us. This
was not a formula—indeed it was the exact opposite of a formula."

Serialized Sample Chapters of THE TIME IDIOT: Chapter 2

Chapter 2 of my unsold novel THE TIME IDIOT. Enjoy...

Someone suggested to me that I might be offending Americans if I write/post stories about a stupid U.S. President acting stupidly, as said Americans are probably very embarrassed about Bush II and would rather forget the past 8 years...

...and I can sympathize with that. Lots of Americans would probably now prefer to read stories featuring a heroic, serious, intelligent President. And maybe I'll write something like that - later.

But for now, I'll poke fun at the President who couldn't pronounce "nuclear" one last time... and be done with it. I had great fun writing THE TIME IDIOT, and I want to share the laughs with you.

A Review Of THE FLATTERED PLANET, And: Why Is Humor Seen As The "Low Road"?

Judging by this review of my short-story collection THE FLATTERED PLANET, mixing Science Fiction with humor and irreverence is Morally Wrong:

"That's really where these stories fall down; even when the ideas are intriguing, Yngve tends to take the low road to silliness instead of examining them with any thematic depth."

Well, it says on the book cover: "18 Very Short Stories."

But you see, Size is Meaning.
There is no way an idea can lodge itself into a reader's mind unless you spend many pages on it.
Similarly, a fantasy novel is better the longer it gets -- or preferably when it never ends.
Therefore THE WHEEL OF TIME is the world's greatest work of literature.
And Edgar Allan Poe is now entirely forgotten, for his stories were Too Short.
(This entire paragraph is sarcasm piled on sarcasm.)

The reviewer also applied some timely spin to my short story "Nightmare Number Seven" - I quote:
"(On a more general note, with the election of Barack Obama, stories that assume that the default 'President’ is like Bush Jr. aren’t aging well.)"

But... but... I thought the President in my story was in fact G.W.Bush, with a Vice President called "Dick"? Oh, I forgot to WRITE THE PRESIDENT'S NAME SO THAT THE READER WOULDN'T HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT.

Sarcasm aside...

This concept of the "Low Road" and the "High Road," referred to by the above critic, annoys me. It belongs to an antiquated idea of dividing storytelling into Elevated Drama and Low Comedy, and then imposing artificial barriers between them.

Laughter and mockery is considered improper by those it frightens. Science Fiction fans can sometimes be very uncomfortable with humor, because it implodes the self-importance which readers often attach to certain concepts.

It is so easy to think of oneself, "I am reading about a Deep Subject and that makes me a Deep and Important Person." Readers, unfortunately, tend to confuse their reading matters with their personal identity. I don't know why this happens, but it does.

But what really saddens me about the above review is that the critic missed a point I was trying to make: the razor-thin line between humor and horror.

Read "Nightmare Number Seven" again and consider why the word "Nightmare" is in the title, when the plot is so silly: A half-witted President, goaded by a sinister Vice President, starts World War III in response to a freak cosmic accident.

The "low road" is a road to a place where some fear to go. But that doesn't mean the place isn't waiting for you...

Authors As Brands: "Franz Kafka International Airport" (joke!)

Speaking of authors becoming "brand names," this is very funny if you know the cliches associated with the works of Franz Kafka:

THE ONION (video): "Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport"
;-)