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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Nurglon(r) Demands Ban On All Non-Cthulhu Worshippers Near "Ground Zero"


POX News, Aug.10, 2010: Nurglon(r), the hundred-eyed, many-armed Thing From Beyond which emerged in Alaska and ran for President in the 2008 elections, currently the leader of the Rage Party (formerly the Republican Party), has finally made a public statement on the "Cordoba Center" controversy.

Since leading Rage Party members began a campaign against the construction of a mosque two blocks from the site of the former World Trade Center, Nurglon has been strangely silent on the issue.

This prompted talk radio host and Rage Party leadership contender Rash Limburger to recently claim that "Nurglon is soft on terrorism." Limburger has since disappeared, and Rage Party spokesperson Dick Flack claims that "Nurglon did not eat Limburger, honestly, cheese gives her gases".

But today, Nurglon broke her/its silence and made a lengthy official statement to the media:

Nurglon: THE CORDOBA CENTER MUST BE STOPPED, AND SO MUST ALL UN-AMERICAN PLACES OF WORSHIP NEAR THE SACRED, HOLY, SUPERGOSHDARNAMERICAN PLACE CALLED "GROUND ZERO".

AS YOU KNOW, ONLY AMERICANS WERE KILLED IN THE WORLD TRADE CENTER ATTACKS OF 9/11... PURE, WHITEBREAD, APPLE PIE-EATING, GOD-FEARING AMERICANS. NO SWARTHY, BEARDED HEATHENS EVER SOILED THE PURE, ETHEREAL SPIRES OF THE WORLD TRADE CENTER.

SO, IN ORDER TO SHOW PROPER GOSHDARN RESPECT FOR THE SACRED GROUND ZERO, WE MUST BAN ALL HEATHEN WORSHIPPERS AROUND IT, AND ON THE ENTIRE ISLAND OF MANHATTAN.


POX News: Do you mean Muslims, Nurglon?

N: I MEAN ALL WHO DO NOT BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP GREAT CTHULHU... AND CTHULHU'S MISTRESS... LITTLE OLD ME!

THEN, WHEN ALL THOSE WHO LIVE AROUND THE SACRED GROUND ZERO BOW DOWN BEFORE THEIR ONE AND TRUE MASTER, THEN AND ONLY THEN CAN THE WORLD BE CLEANSED IN RIVERS OF BLO... I MEAN, ONLY THEN THE TRUE, WHITE, APPLE PIE-EATING AMERICANS CAN LIVE SAFE AND SECURE, DARN IT.

Nurglon then paraded before the media her/its adorable 50-armed offspring H'Thffluh, before leaving.